Oh hi.
No I'm not dead.
And since you're reading this neither are you.
I just got this thing called a job ... and it's put a damper in my motivation to write. I have had tons of great ideas and "oh I should blog about this" moments but nope the actual action of doing that is just not happenin.
Until right now of course. I've got on and I'm in the zone.
I took these the other day and wanted to share them with you. They have nothing to do with anything.
... except my love for flowers.
So Sunday. I didn't want to go. Nope. Negative. Eh uh. I was embarrassed ... anxious ... wanted to run and hide. Durr da durr...you can't hide from God.
So I walked into that bright lovely church and saw that no one was singing yet. Since when am I EARLY to church? So I went to the bathroom rehearsing what I would say when everyone in the church stared at me and my yoga pants and told me how horrible I was for not coming for a month and that I am a bad person and that I don't belong.
I didn't get very far into my practice reply to them because SOMETHING CAME OVER ME ... I went and said hello to one of my friends. Um what are you doing Kristin? My eyes wandered to where my friend was sitting and a smile came on my face and my body turned and moved in her direction ... next thing I know I'm cracking up and being social and like happy and shit like that.
...
See my point and how ridiculous my thoughts are?
So after God was like hey chill out and I was like ok I sat back down and totally enjoyed myself.
So the new interim pastor Rev Hallack is the bees knees. I like him. He had us pray for willingness ... to be open to God's word and way ... to see the light ... to not get bogged down by the dark and the evil and the worry.
Well that's appropriate isn't it?
I learned that God helps take our worry away. Worrying is like putting a magnified glass on an issue. The more you focus on that sucker the bigger it's going to get. However when you take the focus off of that and onto God baddabingbaddaboom problem gets smaller.
I never really looked at it that simply.
It's nice that I can now.
Also something that stood out to me was during confession my mind was blank...
I had all these issues and was so scared to come back to church because I've been um bad and as soon as it's time to list all those bad boys off I think about what I'm going to eat for lunch. Cool Kristin. Cool.
Funny how you can condemn yourself and worry so much and analyse everything that's wrong with you but then once it comes time to deal with it I fail.
Working on that.
So anyway...that's it.
More to come.
Just take life a day at a time because that's really all you're guaranteed.
<3
