Story Book Ending My Ass

I don't think there is such thing as a "Mister Right." At least for me. There seems to be a right now, right at the time ... dude and then he leaves ... gets uninterested or I do.

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do."

I agree with the first part but the second just pissed me right off. When you figure it out. OH OK. Let me just have all the answers. That's where He comes in. And in hindsight you understand how things work but in the moment I feel lost, stupid and stumble. Like grasping in the dark, scared of what I will touch but even more scared to not try to find the light.

I don't understand why guys do what they do. One second they are all over you texting, dates, calling you saying stupid things that make me blush and smile. Then a week later I'm second guessing myself. Why did he stop talking to me? What did I do? It's so fucking annoying. I wish I didn't care. And I've learned to not cater my actions or happiness around them. I just don't even get my hopes up anymore, as much as I can, I'm only human…or only a chick. I act like I don't care and tell myself that I'm in a relationship with myself. I am selfish. I do what I want when I want and I like it. Which is true. I'm too crazy to have anyone in my life but sometimes I just want to cuddle damnit. I want someone to tell me I'm beautiful and believe them. I'm not sure if it's for the reassurance or just that I've got a lot of love to give and want to make someone feel special.

So that brings me back to my intro. There are guys that make me feel that way atm, that month or two, and then they're gone. They come when I'm not looking and leave when I'm not expecting it. After seeing my parent's marriage and the way guys treat my friends sometimes, I'm just over the mind games they play or shoot that I play on myself.

Living happily ever after sounds lovely. Having someone that was meant for you and that you can't live without. I thought I had that but look at me I'm still alive and kickin' without him. So I was wrong, or had him for that 'season' if you will. I change so much that there's no way some dude can keep up with me, nor do I want to slow down / change for someone else.

And I'm ok with this. But I just had to write it out.

Let me know what you think. Fairy tales are only produced by Disney?

Kris.