So I'm about to eat this de-lic-ious salad I made for myself for dinner that's totally on my meal plan and not skimping on anything when I get this sudden urge to check my email and see if I got an answer from this place I interviewed at.
It's the first and only place I've interviewed at since starting a small half-assed job hunt but it was AWESOME. Totally lax all about work hard play hard but go home at quitting time. And it was TWO blocks from my house.
I asked my lead to be a reference for it and she said she would which was awesome.
Next thing I know I'm asked to interview and I tell my lead I'm going to go in for one. That's when she tells me they've been talking to her about a job there too.
"Oh."
My head went a million places and my heart dropped. Well she works super hard and deserves another job so let me swallow my jealously and wish her the best-which I did.
Then two days later I'm off to my interview and she tells me she's already interviewed and gotten the job.
Fuck.
Seriously?
Jealousy rears its head. I start to shake. My heart drops again and my head races.
Wait. If she got one doesn't that mean I have an in then?
I went off to the interview feeling good. I thought I killed it and came back feeling great. Work was easier to go to thinking it wouldn't be that much longer.
But then the week went on and I didn't hear from anyone. And while I'm planning my lead's going away party and buying her goodies in the back of my head I am so spiteful.
I don't want to be. But I am human. And well no I'm not just spiteful. I'm pissed.
I found that company. I got her that in and does she thank me? No. Does she tell me she went for an interview? No.
Fuck that.
Now I just read the dreaded email saying I didn't have enough experience and I'm no longer being considered. My heart hurts. I feel sick to my stomach. And I want to take it out on my lead.
Which makes NO sense at all.
She deserves the job she got, she's a great lead and what was she supposed to do say no?
But I have this anger and I don't know where to place it. I'm frustrated that I can't get another job because I've only had one real big girl job but I'm not happy where I am.
It's like saying to your kid in order to get a car you've got to get a job, but in order to get to said job you've got to have a car.
Fuck man.
People at work drop like flies. I just planned a going away bash for 4 people. And I can't get a job?
RAWR.
I hear people tell me that they love their jobs. It just kind of fell into their laps. They went to school for this and are now doing this...blah blah good for fucking you.
Yikes. Ok this is not good. But what to do what to do...
Positivity.
I have a job.
I can always go in my job (not like new positions but strengthen my writing).
Where I work always listens to new ideas...so it's time to get innovative.
God has his plan and if this wasn't it that just means there's something greater out there for me.
Ok now I don't feel sick anymore. Dinner time.
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