Momentum

I don't know what I want to do with my life.
Well that's a lie ... so far I've learned that
... I want to interact with people everyday
... I want to be on the move mostly but have a desk to come back to at the end of the day ... BUT I don't want to be tethered to it.
... I want to be able to improve, inform and or better viewers' / listeners' / readers' lives with my work.
... I want to tell a story ... I like the idea of features or producing.
.... I want to be apart of something great and innovative and creative something that makes me feel like I'm doing something useful with my life.
... I want a job where I can see and be seen.
... I want a job that challenges me but I can challenge it ... take the job requirements and stick with the ones that work and change those that don't. set new standards.

Today was my second home game working as a "gopher" for the Seahawks radio broadcast. I kept having to mentally pinch myself when I was up in the press box behind the announcers watching the game. And had to almost literally snap out of it when the Hawks ran past me into the locker room. I may not be anyone yet but just being in the press box made me feel like someone. By that I guess I mean I had a purpose, I was privileged...lucky? better? (even though the last may not be true ... it's how I felt) I was surrounded by people that do what I and that hundreds of others dream of doing. The men and women that walk or at times race around the press box casually exchanging greetings have no idea how much I idolize them. How much I envy them ... how i want to sit them down and ask a million questions on how I get to where they are. They have worked hard to be in the position they are in. They took the steps or giant strides necessary to get them where they are. I admire that so much. It makes my goals dreams aspirations what have you more attainable.

I am not good with technical things, computers hate me, I am no good with smoozing so I think that half the business I crave to be apart of is out of my reach as of now ... but I am good at well...talking ... being real. I get this energy and confidence with people and as of late, with people I don't know ... and I like it. doing promotional work is the only good fit i have found so far. I like interacting with people while showing them something that will brighten their day ... I like asking random people (mind you on how random random is) about their day. You never know what you'll find.

For example...Nordstrom Rack had only one bathroom available...there was a huge line of like 8 people waiting for this single serve restroom and one employee was assigned to tell every customer what the deal was. After standing there maybe a minute 4 people had asked the same question and given the same annoyed response to this poor woman guarding the bathroom. I began talking with her, why not ? I was already stuck in line doomed to use a bathroom that had been used back to back to back by women and ugh men...why not make the most of it.

I asked her when her shift was over. She had 15 min left. In the time it took 4 guys to pee I found out she went to Cordon Bleu of Seattle and is moving back home to her two high schoolers in CA after this month. The surprise on her face when I showed interest in her life is half the reason I have begun to be friendlier...plus I learned something about her life that I never would have known otherwise.

This may not be something I can put on my resume but as of now this interest and confidence I have with people is the only thing I know I'm alright at. I hope it can point me into the right direction of my dream job or maybe in the right direction to the bottom of the steps up to my dream job.

I don't really know what this post was about ... more for me I guess to sort through things...

I just don't want to lose this motivation and drive that's been refreshed by working the game today. Granted what I do doesn't take brain power. What it does take is patience and to be there for those slim chances when I AM needed and then doing exactly as I'm told.

BTW (please forgive my writing/babbling this evening. I am aware that what I've written is full of confusing backward run on sentences but this is a blog not published work).

But like I was saying seeing the producers, announcers, hosts, media executives all in one place doing their jobs and having fun is inspiring. There is a place where you can have your cake and eat it too and I got to spend 7 hours there today. it's kind of like dangling a carrot (or in my case an apple) in front of a rabbit and having them chase it. My goal is not attainable yet but if my hunger is great enough and i work hard enough I'll outsmart who ever is hanging the dang fruit in front of me and get the apple my own way...at the end of the chase satisfied knowing I didn't just work hard but I used my skills and knowledge in the process. Make sense? Probably not. I think I just ruined that story. But eh it makes sense to me ... that's how i see it working out for me. ah anyway it's late... this may sound like a bunch of crap in the morning but at least it's out of my head now.

good night.