These were taken next to Maltby Cafe in well Maltby area haha
So here you go. Enjoy.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
I'm Good at Taking Pictures
I am proud of my amature photography skills ... taken on my camera phone haha
These were taken next to Maltby Cafe in well Maltby area haha
So here you go. Enjoy.
These were taken next to Maltby Cafe in well Maltby area haha
So here you go. Enjoy.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I Need a Leap or um SHOVE of Faith.
Listening to this non stop...
So I kind of forget God, or my higher power, is there.
It's nice to remember, comforting, like OH YEAH!
Like when you hear it's Friday and you thought it was Thursday.
...ya it's a good feeling.
Ever since I started believing in a power greater than myself I turn my problems over to them-or well I try to. It's much easier said than done. I mean if it was a physical thing like if I could hold my anxiety, insecurities, and anger in a jar and hand it over to someone and be free of it...that'd be cool.
So my issue is with trust.
I have one hand free trying to reach Him, let go of what I have that's holding me down...while the other is clinging for dear life to my disease. I wrote in circles about this earlier trying to reason with myself. HA like that's going to happen.
Anorexics have a fear of getting fat, (obviously) but a real true fear of it. Like there's not many worse things that can happen to me.
When I was really sick I would construct my life, habits, thoughts around this, it's getting better but it's been a 'bad habit' for 9 years now. It never occurred to me that I'd have to stop being afraid of foods and fat to live normally until I started reading Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous.
They're telling me if I eat what's put in front of me (with in reason) and only that or as much as that I will not get fat. They're telling me that rice is ok, that reduced fat cheese or a burger once in a while will not make me 200 lbs, they are telling me I don't have to do 1 hour of cardio after a night in Fremont, that I can lay on the couch when on the phone instead of walk...etc
That I can and need to let go of these habits that comfort me and make me feel like everything is ok. But in order to do that I need to trust that He knows what's best.
BUT WHAT IF I DO GET FAT? WHAT IF I LOSE CONTROL? What if I do gain 10 pounds even? Do you realize what will happen to me? Do you realize how awful that is? No one will talk to me. I will be ugly. Unhappy. Miserable. A loser.
Oh wait if I lose control...haven't I already lost control? Doesn't my disease have a hold on me? It's grip is so tight that I can't chose what I want to eat, if I exercise for hours on end, if I clearly see the person staring back at me, if I'm happy. It does.
So I got to keep saying it.
God I can't handle this. I need help. I cannot do this on will power alone. Maybe if I keep saying it it will come true.
<3 Kris.
So I kind of forget God, or my higher power, is there.
It's nice to remember, comforting, like OH YEAH!
Like when you hear it's Friday and you thought it was Thursday.
...ya it's a good feeling.
Ever since I started believing in a power greater than myself I turn my problems over to them-or well I try to. It's much easier said than done. I mean if it was a physical thing like if I could hold my anxiety, insecurities, and anger in a jar and hand it over to someone and be free of it...that'd be cool.
So my issue is with trust.
I have one hand free trying to reach Him, let go of what I have that's holding me down...while the other is clinging for dear life to my disease. I wrote in circles about this earlier trying to reason with myself. HA like that's going to happen.
Anorexics have a fear of getting fat, (obviously) but a real true fear of it. Like there's not many worse things that can happen to me.
When I was really sick I would construct my life, habits, thoughts around this, it's getting better but it's been a 'bad habit' for 9 years now. It never occurred to me that I'd have to stop being afraid of foods and fat to live normally until I started reading Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous.
They're telling me if I eat what's put in front of me (with in reason) and only that or as much as that I will not get fat. They're telling me that rice is ok, that reduced fat cheese or a burger once in a while will not make me 200 lbs, they are telling me I don't have to do 1 hour of cardio after a night in Fremont, that I can lay on the couch when on the phone instead of walk...etc
That I can and need to let go of these habits that comfort me and make me feel like everything is ok. But in order to do that I need to trust that He knows what's best.
BUT WHAT IF I DO GET FAT? WHAT IF I LOSE CONTROL? What if I do gain 10 pounds even? Do you realize what will happen to me? Do you realize how awful that is? No one will talk to me. I will be ugly. Unhappy. Miserable. A loser.
Oh wait if I lose control...haven't I already lost control? Doesn't my disease have a hold on me? It's grip is so tight that I can't chose what I want to eat, if I exercise for hours on end, if I clearly see the person staring back at me, if I'm happy. It does.
So I got to keep saying it.
God I can't handle this. I need help. I cannot do this on will power alone. Maybe if I keep saying it it will come true.
<3 Kris.
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