Pressure.

(PLAY LINK NOW. Please. Or else this post won't be as epic.)

I go into the dimly lit room of the cardio theater of my gym and close the door. I am alone.

My breathing is rapid. I try to calm it. I inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth. The sweat drips off my face as I lean forward grabbing for my right foot with my right hand. The stretch feels good. I feel accomplished.

I hide in here from the wandering eyes of the men out there, the women too. I fear judgement. In here I can bend my body anyway I like and not have the anxious feeling of watching eyes.

My legs feel weak after lifting and running until I exhausted myself. They shake a bit as I switch positions.

The beat of "Pressure" starts to lift me up out of my current place. I shut my eyes slowly and breath out letting the treble pulse through my thoughts. It's rhythm is getting faster and so does my imagination.

I'm no longer in the gym.

"Come around, feel the sound

Boy you make my heart pound

Fill me up, bring me down

When I hear your sound..."

The music swirls.

I'm completely inside my head.

The bass drops.

I feel emotion. I don't know what it is. But I'm alive. All at once everything is serene, calm. Everything is ok.

My body is cohesive with my spirit. I am one. I am whole.

Before I can question it I am silenced by the sexuality of the beat, the pulse...my body feels like I'm paralleling it.

There is no filter to my emotion. No cap. But I don't even know what this feeling is.

"I've got pressure, I'm in deep
Seems everybody wants something from me"

I want to take you there. I want you to feel my heart beat, my blood rush, my body breathe.

"I was a lover, but now I thief

I'll take your breath away and set you free"

He's with me now. I can feel him. I don't ask why or how...I just know.

I've become light. My legs move under me and I curl up stretching my back. Relaxed.

Every part of me tingles without being touched. My skin raises in goosebumps.

"So much pressure
So much heat
So much hassle

They want me"

I want you to feel the quiet power and security I'm experiencing in this moment. I'm not in the past or future ... I'm present.

I lose myself in the bass ... seeing myself move eloquently, sexually to the music without fault or hesitation. I'm being myself even though I can't tell you who that is, but now in this moment I feel sure.

I felt alive.

I was something bigger than myself.

I need to tell you this to explain to you.

I need to tell you this to explain it to myself.

What I think I felt was my faith.

The beat fades. I hear the clinking of the weights, the hum of the treadmills.

I'm back. But no longer feel alone.

He's with my now.

Kris.