Fucking Hamster.

I feel like life is getting away from me and no matter how busy I am and how hard I seem to work nothing ever gets done. And I'm never getting anywhere while people get promotions, have kids, buy houses, travel.
 I feel like I'm working my ass off in treatment but there's nothing to show for it. I'm back on the same fucking page as the rest of you humans. The ones who don't have this issue, the ones who weren't slowly killing themselves. Ok now I can function in society. It took so much fucking work to get here and NOW NOW I have to work even more?
There's this huge looming reality of work and I will have to be back there in 16 fucking days. I hate my work environment. I hate the pay well lack thereof especially with my medical bills that are never ending. I hate how they treat me. It's a depressing. Anxiety provoking. Miserable fucking place and I don't want to go back. It's a big part of the reason why I'm back in treatment in the first place.
And where do I find the fucking time to try and find work when I'm in treatment full time now then I go back to work full time and on top of that do treatment after work?
And people say-I am one of those people-that it will all work out. But no, I am an exception to that rule. It works out for other people. I have been stuck in that place for 2.5 years almost. Not one promotion, no pay change, no position change, NOTHING. Everyone else has gone upgraded something. I have had boyfriends and friends who luck out with a friend who knows someone, a dad who is high up, craigslist miracle. No not me not ever. I have tried I always try I try so fucking hard and I never get a damn thing.
And no i don't want to count my blessings. I have an eating disorder. I have been suffering from anxiety, depression and a mix of bulimia anorexia for over 12 years. I have never had enough money. School never came easy to me. I have had issues with alcohol dependency. I have been abused. I have had other shit I don't want to tell you guys happen. I had a issues at home. I have had a hard fucking life and I want a fucking break because I feel I have never fucking gotten one. So there.
And yes I know it could be worse but it could be a lot of fucks better.
I've updated my stupid linked in so many times. I've talked to countless recruiters who i've had to follow up with. I've gotten opinions on my resume. I've craigslisted. I've networked. I've failed.
I've done nothing but fail. I feel so much anxiety and anger and I don't know what to do with it. I feel like i'm a hamster in that wheel thing or a cartoon character running in the air -- working hard getting nowhere. Helpless. Hopeless. I feel so trapped.