What I Learned In Church This Sunday

I don't know if it's an insult, but God's making good choices very easy to me. It's almost like he doesn't think I could make good ones on my own. Oh wait. No, no I definitely can't.

I just moved out to Capitol Hill and if you walk out of my apartment and go right there is Pine / Broadway and a ton of bars. If you go left there's a church.

It took some time, and a few failures but I chose to go left this morning.

Now, if you haven't had the pleasure of dealing with me, I'm a crabby bitch until I get a small dose of reality in the morning.

So, after entering Captiol Hill Presbyterian, my annoying small bladder and I headed to the bathroom. When washing my hands I saw the other stall door open, and a sweet old lady in a gray velour jumpsuit (I can't wait to be old and wear that every day) walk out. "She's going to talk to you, and you have to be nice" I tell myself. I said a quick prayer along the lines of "please don't let me be a condescending bitch to this sweet old lady" and it worked.

I ended up sitting with her, she told me all about communion and introduced me to Pastor James among others. Then service started.

FYI, I'm a fuck up. I have so many issues and things wrong with me that they've given them names and categorized them as a disease making rehab centers and 12 step programs to fix them. When I introduce myself in meetings I get to say "Hi I'm Kris, I'm an alcoholic, anorexic, bulimic and compulsive overeater and some say overachiever."
I'M SO FUNNY.

What I heard today in sermon was something I had been needing spelled out for me.
Sin isn't a private matter. It doesn't just affect me. Following that statement, we are taught that we're a product of our own decisions, insisting that our successes are all on us, self-made, as well as our failures. We making them all by our little selves, getting to deal with them alone.

BUT this is a muthafuckin' lie.

Want to know why? You bet you do. Because we're never alone. God or your higher power (I'm going to just refer to Him as God) never leaves, the light, His light, is always there, your eyes have to be open to it.

When something is wrong, you want to fix it.

When I got my DUI and totaled Pearl, my mom was focused on why. On what was going on in my head (I told her it was a whole lot of vodka and beer—she didn't like that answer) when I chose to drive. She wanted to put blame, find a reason, and fix it.


In program we are taught to live our day one hour at a time, because that's all we have.

Focusing on why is us wanting control. We want to blame. Which is natural, but even as you find out why that still means the problem is there.

Instead, focus on how you can fix what's broken. Focus on the healing, the light in the dark. When you stop focusing on WHY and LET GO…that's when you are practicing faith. When there's something out of whack, something bent, off kilter or whatever that's a place for Jesus to come in and make it whole.


His work is being displayed in me. I am broken, I am cracked, I am weak but his light is filling me up. He is showing me that He is there for me, that I can make better decisions, I can become the person he intended me to be. And in turn, I can lift up others.

Hmm thinking of others, that's a big concept for me, I think I've hit my limit for good / nice / self-realization things for today, maybe even a quota for the week.
Score.
<3