Pressure.

(PLAY LINK NOW. Please. Or else this post won't be as epic.)

I go into the dimly lit room of the cardio theater of my gym and close the door. I am alone.

My breathing is rapid. I try to calm it. I inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth. The sweat drips off my face as I lean forward grabbing for my right foot with my right hand. The stretch feels good. I feel accomplished.

I hide in here from the wandering eyes of the men out there, the women too. I fear judgement. In here I can bend my body anyway I like and not have the anxious feeling of watching eyes.

My legs feel weak after lifting and running until I exhausted myself. They shake a bit as I switch positions.

The beat of "Pressure" starts to lift me up out of my current place. I shut my eyes slowly and breath out letting the treble pulse through my thoughts. It's rhythm is getting faster and so does my imagination.

I'm no longer in the gym.

"Come around, feel the sound

Boy you make my heart pound

Fill me up, bring me down

When I hear your sound..."

The music swirls.

I'm completely inside my head.

The bass drops.

I feel emotion. I don't know what it is. But I'm alive. All at once everything is serene, calm. Everything is ok.

My body is cohesive with my spirit. I am one. I am whole.

Before I can question it I am silenced by the sexuality of the beat, the pulse...my body feels like I'm paralleling it.

There is no filter to my emotion. No cap. But I don't even know what this feeling is.

"I've got pressure, I'm in deep
Seems everybody wants something from me"

I want to take you there. I want you to feel my heart beat, my blood rush, my body breathe.

"I was a lover, but now I thief

I'll take your breath away and set you free"

He's with me now. I can feel him. I don't ask why or how...I just know.

I've become light. My legs move under me and I curl up stretching my back. Relaxed.

Every part of me tingles without being touched. My skin raises in goosebumps.

"So much pressure
So much heat
So much hassle

They want me"

I want you to feel the quiet power and security I'm experiencing in this moment. I'm not in the past or future ... I'm present.

I lose myself in the bass ... seeing myself move eloquently, sexually to the music without fault or hesitation. I'm being myself even though I can't tell you who that is, but now in this moment I feel sure.

I felt alive.

I was something bigger than myself.

I need to tell you this to explain to you.

I need to tell you this to explain it to myself.

What I think I felt was my faith.

The beat fades. I hear the clinking of the weights, the hum of the treadmills.

I'm back. But no longer feel alone.

He's with my now.

Kris.

Cat Socks, Sequin Shorts and a Mink Farmer

This post is not up lifting.

I have no deep insight.

I just want to write down every epic part of my night / morning before I come off this high it gave me and I'm back to reality.

So I started off my night with my favorite sandwich ever, peanut butter and bananas.

Ya that shit is bananas.

I don't usually eat peanut butter because it freaks me out with the fat content, it's an anorexic thing, but this time it was ok because I knew I'd be dancing it all off.

Then my friend came over and we got ready together. She gets me like no one else does. Like half the time I don't have to finish my sentence and she knows what I'm going to say. She likes me for me, even though I'm really weird, but so is she. It works.

I can't think of a better person to ring in 2012 with.

So after putting on insane amounts of glitter we head to WaMu Theater to see NERO!

Yup with a face like that who wouldn't want to dance with me?

Please note my slight sarcasm.

We get into the venue and venture to every beer garden to find our friends.

View from said beer garden. aka we found them.

So off we go to dance to Congorock. He was pretty decent my friends.

So my friend has a dance partner. I do not. I get bored dancing alone and start to fret about my NYE kiss (about 1.5 hours away) when I see him. Tall blond sexy man. I swallow my fear and ask him to dance. He says yes. Great success. I stay with him most of the night. Find out he's a mink farmer from Portland and also a gentleman and possibly gay :)

Midnight hits white and gold balloons fall ... confetti sticks to me ... EVERYWHERE. Yes I had some in my bra when I came home.

Then Nero comes on. OMGHOLYMOLYSOFUCKINGGOOD.

So I'm in love and quickly losing my hearing and loving it.

My new man friend leaves for a bit and I look to my right to see a friend from school. I haven't seen him in years? He was on the cheer squad and yells "Do you want to go on my shoulders?"

Oh no! No I do not. That is scary and not safe. I think I'll stay down here like a pansy.

Is my first reaction.

But then I get a brain in my head and realize OMG YES I DO.

So up I go!

Then Nero starts mixing my favorite song...

I'm thinking is this real life?

Yes. Yes it is. So I stay up there until I'm convinced that I'm going to crush my friend.

Dance the rest of the night away. Alana Watson came on a couple times too. I wish I was her. However I do not sing and I do not know Nero. Fail.

After an amazing show about 1? Nero leaves. I scream that I'll have his children if he wants. He doesn't respond.

We break. Then I go back for Portland's number. He asks me for mine. He's really cute the way he shakes his little booty. I'm 99% sure he's not straight by now.

Then Tritonal comes on. Never heard of them but my man for the night is in love and I can see why. They are great! Check em out.

So we leave. Get hollered at by a zillion people back to the car. Lovely.

Get home but my nights not over. My friend comes over and we hang out til 5 ish am playing Mario Kart. WHY DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT DRIFTING IN THIS GAME UNTIL I AM ALMOST 24 YEARS OLD?!

Oh well it's a new year and I'm making that my current resolution. Learn how to drift and be more bad ass at MK.

So that's my night. It's the first sober NYE I have had since I was 16 and it was the best one yet.

Hope you all had a great one too.

Kris.