Waves

I wake up abruptly.

My eyes flash open but to no avail, I cannot see. My lungs crave air but nothing comes. I open my mouth to let it in and it fills with water. My stomach lurches and panic sets in, I realize I'm helpless, being tossed in the current of an ocean.

It's black, engrossing me entirely. There's pressure on all sides of my body. I try to fight against my situation, kicking grabbing, pushing-trying to find which way is up. I'm so lost I don't know what's helping and what's hurting.

I don't know where exactly I am but instinct tells me it's a bad place. I'm not sure what to do, but to keep trying it's fight or flight time and I am finding myself fighting.

Nothing seems to be helping though and my life is slipping away by the second. I feel my heart beating deep within me, rapidly, like it's going to explode. My arms attempt to get me to the surface which I cannot see.

I don't know where I'm going or what I'll do when I get there, all I know is my life is the most important thing now. I need the light, I need air, I need to survive.

Just when I feel that I've lost it all, that once again my confusion anger struggle has gotten the best of me I see the light. It's a glimmer that's not very bright but it's the most hope I've had in what feels like ages. I head towards it eagerly, putting every ounce of energy I have left into getting to a better place.

I break the surface and leave death to find life. I find air, light. I've been given a second chance. Someone saw my efforts, saw that I wanted out, that I didn't want my life to end in the dark that had taken a hold of me.

I can't see whoever it was that helped me. I cannot thank them face-to-face. I didn't know they existed until I took that breath of air, but that didn't' stop me from fighting. It didn't stop me from believing that there was something better than the overwhelming pressure and condemnation that I found myself in.

Now I'm here being lulled by the waves, the sun is coming up and I'm exhausted. I've been given a second chance but where do I go from here? I feel I'm too tired to go on much longer. I'm disoriented, confused and yet there's an elation, a light that's sparked in me. I came so close to death then was given the gift that is life, my life.

But now I tread water, being bounced by the waves and am uncertain of my next direction. I could go under again anytime.

Where do I go from here?