What I Learned In Church Today

So I've been really having a hard time.
One second I'm fine. The next I'm convinced that my best friend hates me, I've gained 10 pounds and that I really should just up and move to a sunny, foreign country to make something of myself. I feel like I'm back at the starting line of recovery, and that I'm doing it all wrong.
It's not supposed to be this hard, this confusing, hurt this much, or be so tiring.
Aren't I supposed to be getting better? Why am I so sad? Why can't I just stop thinking about what I ate, what I haven't ate, when I worked out, how I look, what you're thinking of me?

I AM SO SICK OF IT.

A friend reminded me that while living your life in the moment, you have to focus on your recovery in the moment. I don't have to see how much farther up the hill I've got to climb or look down to see my progress, I have to look at what I'm doing right now.

The second song of worship today was about how God is making me new.
He's constantly working, He's never done. And rather having that be depressing like I'm never good enough, it's more of a feeling of hope. That I can always learn, I can always be better and I can always grow. How invigorating, inspiring, refreshing.

When Pastor Paul's wife prayed she said something that struck me. Help us be ok with who we are right now. Not with what we are trying to accomplish, how much farther we have to go, but just be content with who He has made us.

It makes me feel better that these strangers around me in church need these words too. Even though they have families, are married, look put together, everyone needs help, everyone feels down sometimes.

So I guess now what I do is continue to learn about Him, learn about my faith, and accept instead of fight who He's made me.