Every Little Thing Is Going To Be Alright

I'm singing that. OUTLOUD to myself right now.

Don't worry. About a thing.

Ok cheesy but I have been in such a low place that this whatever it is feels like the best shit ever.

I feel like I can do this. Like I can be ok. Like I can have a new life.

A new life where I don't have to take out my trash can full of puke before friends come over.
A new life where I don't have to take out my trash can full of the boxes of food I ate before friends come over.
A new life where I don't have to make up at the gym for what I did last night.
A new life ... what no not new life ... I don't want a new one ... I have the makings for a fine one right here. I want an IMPROVED life.

So I just talked with my friend who is 30 bomb blonde and so wise beyond her years. She's like the big sister I never had and my idol. I got the guts to ask her to talk about everything that's going on. (Some things have happened that I haven't shared with you all) And she totally put my mind at ease. Made things seem easier, more hopeful, like I have a direction.

And actually that's how I feel after any one of you message me. Suggest advice. Talk. Text. Call.

I feel a spark of hope and then I ride that for  a bit until I hit another down...

And in the past I have stayed down but now I'm getting the courage to ask for help and you're giving it to me. You people are not as mean, judgemental, disgusted by me as I thought and I really appreciate it.

I was able to talk to another friend about food and exercise and tell her all of my confusion I've had for two months and start to sort it out.

Lord this isn't making sense. I'm just so damn happy that I don't want to throw food down my throat...that I want to throw food down my throat. HA.

BUT tomorrow I'm going to Pretty Lights and Odesza and ain't nobody got time to be tired when that's happening.

So I wanted to write and tell you guys that all day all fucking day I have held back tears and now after talking I don't want to. So I guess I should keep doing this talking thing.

So anyway I guess it will just really take a day by day hour by hour thing to help me not binge. And I'm ok with that because that's how life should be lived anyway.

Night.