Moment For Life

I haven't written like this in a while...hope it takes you to where I was and what I was feeling...

My eyes are closed … my head bends down in line with my neck and back as I stretch my arms toward my feet. The pull of the stretch feels good. Breath in … breath out.
My heart beats slow as the sweat continues to rise and drop down my temples. I feel empowered. The black nothingness behind my eye lids is comforting … soothing … I now see what I was neglecting to when they were open.

It’s like my life was a song I’ve heard a million times but this is the first time I’ve taken time to listen to the words.

Discovery no matter how small is exhilarating.
My ears hear silence … the song changed in my head phones ... the easy intro into “Moment for Life” comes on. I switch legs…feeling the stretch deep … I hear…“to live doesn’t mean you’re alive.”

I feel so much more alive in this moment (and that I have a sound track for my life all of a sudden haha).

“I wish that I could have this moment for life…for life…for life…cus in this moment I just feel so alive…alive …alive”

I get up from the mat thinking my work out is done.

Then emotion takes over… unrecognizable and undeniable. It surges through me … whatever it is…energy…anger…sadness… elation. It wants out … I want out. My fists clench … my nails dig deep into my palms with pressure. Across the mirrored aerobics room I see the punching bag. The bass pulses through me and comes out in tears, frustration, confusion…I approach the bag.

Hit it once. Then again … right left right left. It absorbs whatever it is I’m putting out. It doesn’t push back, it doesn’t deny me, it doesn’t answer me, it is steady. My punches become more constant along with my tears. My knuckles start to redden, the delicate skin tears, making it difficult to hit hard … to get this aggression out…but I don’t stop. I’m not done yet…whatever has started this is not ready to stop.

I am free to express myself.

I plant my left foot and kick with my right. My whole body is thrown into the action … one fluid motion of emotion. I kick. I hit. I cry.

“…I wish I could have this moment for life….” The song ends.

I hit the bag one last time … realizing how much my knuckles hurt and how much my heart doesn’t anymore.

Kris.