Dear Self, It's Hungover You

PS Next time I won't film myself sideways...promise.

Dear Self,

Hi you charming, beautiful, sassy, smart girl you. This is hungover Kris. Hung over Kris is no fun. She doesn't like life. Currently, she has a head ache and can’t put words together very well. She resents herself for drinking too much last night. She scoffs at the fact that you tried once again to only have a couple, to cheat the system, to drink in moderation. She wishes you could remember the remorse you have in the morning, the anxiety about the decisions you made, the things you ate, the  people you contacted, the dance moves you thought you could pull off and the fact that you give your phone number to everyone who asks for it and well those who don't. 

She usually feels like she wants to throw up but there’s nothing in her system. She wants to eat everything and nothing at the same time. She worries about what she did the night before and has to play detective when she wakes up at about 6 AM when the drunkness wears off. 

Typically it's a frantic search for the phone which is usually underneath her pillow or in her clutch still. This leads her to wonder where her license is and then upon hopefully finding said license find her credit card. Which then leads to her remembering the drinks she bought and how fucking nice she is when drunk. DRINKS ON ME! Seems to be a very fun thing to say to Drunk Kris.

She goes to pee and sees her make up is still on and washes her face, tripping over her heels that for some reason look like they were litterally kicked off in a fit of joy about her room. Oh and her clothes too. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET NAKED WHEN YOU SLEEP DRUNK? (Mind you I always go home alone thank you.)

She tries sleeping the head ache off but can't. So she picks up your room but can’t do that efficiently since focusing is hard. Nothing makes her feel better. She regrets the calories in the drinks and the food she binged off of. Sometimes she has a blast, or at least thinks she did because after the second shot she can’t remember. 

Stay away from liquor. Beer is the way to go if you think that you simply will die without alcohol and chances are you won’t do that that, rather this stuff will slowly kill you. Ok that's dramatic but we are angry with you.

Hung over Kris also hates cleaning up the mess in the kitchen that Drunk Kris made. She wonders where the bruises came from. She wonders how she got home. She wonders why she didn’t stop. So please, take all of this into consideration when you think you want to drink. Hung Over Kris really isn’t very fun and we don’t want her coming around anymore.

Thanks,

Your Funny Sunny Self