RANT ABOUT GETTING A JOB.

My mind is like Forrest Gump playing pingpong.
Yup. I thought of that awesome analogy all on my own.

I want a different job.

Or I want to move.

Or I don't want to move because I have an Amazing group of friends here. . . and cats.


Do I move? I am young. I am not tied down by anyone or anything. I miss the sun. So badly. But what would I do if I moved? WOuld it be a waste of energy? Time? Dampen my dreams further? Would it release me and this cage I keep putting myself in?

The uknown, uncertainty freaks me out. Makes me anxious. I feel like there's always something I overlooked, should be doing, a direction I'm not heading. WHAT IS THE RIGHT ANSWER?

I want a cool job.Meaning ... Well ... uh

...I'd like to be a runway model. That'd be fun. I think. I'd like a job where I get to use my wonderful personality. I'd like to not be stuck at a desk. I'd like to not have to wear a suit (I love wearing leggings). I'd like to make a difference in my community, my world. I'd like to get to interview people and find out about their lives. I'd like to learn something new everyday. I'd like to teach other people something new everyday. I'd like to travel as apart of my job. I'd like to have a job where I say what I do and have people go "OH that's a cool job." Because like I said I'd like a cool job.

Currently, I am a parttime receptionist. It's easy ... ish. It's repetitive ... ish. It's NOT WANT I WANT TO DO WITH MY DANG DEGREE I PAID THOUSDANDS FOR. And I get paid almost minimum to promote the radio station I interned at. Not bad. But...

...what SHOULD I be doing? I have all of this passion for writing/filming/being on camera. I crave to learn more about this field and how it works. I have knowledge as to how to work a camera, edit, report, write for a newspaper. AND NO ONE WANTS ME.

Am I marketing myself wrong? Are all these accomplishments and unused energy not being presented correctly? Am I being laughed at / overlooked everytime I write a heartfelt cover letter and send in my REREREREvamped resume?

But I keep doing what I can. Or what I think is right.
I keep applying. I keep networking. I keep going out on limbs...

That's why I have this blog. To keep writing while also doing what I want to in life...educate/inspire others. I write to you in hopes that my experiences or crazy rants spark something in you!

Like say you're incredibly sick of your job but don't know what to do. You feel like you're a cartoon character running in place. Working so hard but going no where. Hopefully you can find some comfort in knowing that I FEEL THE SAME DAMN WAY.

...sadly I have no suggestions for you other than what I am doing myself...or rather what I rarely sometimes remember to do myself.

1. BE PATIENT. Something will come in time and when it does it'll be worth it. Everyone keeps telling me that I'M YOUNG! I've got SO MUCH TIME.

2. BE GRATEFUL for what you have. (ie. I have TWO jobs. The reception job is consistent and I get to talk to upwards of a hundred people a day from all over the world. The other promotional job I'm on my feet and get to go to events I usually wouldn't get to).

3.DON'T GIVE UP. I have gotten rejected from every job I've applied to. Some rejections were bigger slaps and hurt more than others but I'm still standing and have taken something away from each interview/interaction.


So that's that. Nothing superduper cool (like the job I someday will have).

Kris.

What I Learned Today (Not in Church)

I did not go to church this morning because I had to work.
I was IN Seattle at 5:45 AM.
We were promoting KIRO NewsTalk Radio 97.3 FM and ESPN radio at the Seahawks 12k Run at the Landing in Renton. http://www.seahawks12krun.com/

It was actually pretty darn fun. Made my coworker and I want to actually do the run (HA I mean walk...for me at least...I don't think I've ever run that far on purpose).

I got a super cool bright green shirt out of it though...plus a ton of free samples. (chocolate milk and breakfast cookies taking the lead)

So I'm going to tell you what I noticed/learned/um thought about yesterday on my walk around my neighborhood.

I chose to NOT listen to music on my walk (usually this is not the case...I love to listen to techno really loud and act like a model on a runway. True story. If you think I walk funny you now know why)...

So back to the "silent" walk I was on.

I thought I would be bored but as soon as I started I heard things...like well typical...dogs barking,
my neighbor's dirt bike starting up (and dieing...and repeat),
kids SCREECHING or laughing in pure joy!,
the purr of a gorgeous quiet car that I think I want but have no idea what it is called...only that I want it in white :)

then I heard some other things like ... birds. WAIT? Birds? Oh ya it's spring! I had never noticed that the chirping had gone away. It's like when you are so sick and hate life but as soon as you are fine you forget that you're not sick anymore. Like that you're not hating life and you take it for granted...

I heard myself sigh...like a satisfied...I'm glad I got out of my house and out of my head sigh...like maybe things aren't so bad...maybe I can define this weather and gloomy cloud permanently over my head.

THEN I REALIZED.

I have a choice to whether I'm happy or not.
Like my walk. I went on it because I needed to get away from my house away from my thoughts away from my insecurities. And I did.

I chose to get out, I got out, I got better.

So I hope this inspires you to get away from this screen and GO DO. Go throw the football, go walk, go garden something ... because you don't have to be stuck where you are. Unless you like where you are...and in that case GO DO something to help you stay there.

My friend told me once that today is a gift...because it is the present.

Kris.

YAKI - YUM

Hey Oven...what do you want to cook tonight? Eh?



So let's lighten the mood.
I made bombdiggity teriyaki stir fry. It was a fiasco until the end.






I got this tasty guy off my kitchen counter (thanks mom). Oh and Swanson Broth...but I totally used general FRED MEYER BRAND because it's cheaper.




Here's what NOT to do when making stir fry.

DON'T
Get a recipe and not read through it (I believe I said that before...and I believe I'll say it again).
I began preparing for this recipe and things were going good...





PS Cutting broccoli and cauliflour SUCKS it goes everywhere like confetti.

So smooth sailing until I realize it says NOTHING about adding the chicken I marinated overnight (with low sodium soy sauce...just a hint of it though). Then I read the recipe again it says VEGETABLE STIR FRY.

oh shit.

Panic mode...where does the rice come in? How do I add the chicken? When do I? Oh man rice takes like 15 minutes and I'm already heating up the egg rolls in the microwave and I haven't even cooked the dang chicken.

FAIL.

So I back track. Stop cutting veggies and nuking the egg rolls. I make rice.



Which has an easy pour spout...notice how I didn't notice that when opening it...

again this stuff is like glitter...gets everywhere.

Ok yay rice is cooking. Put the chicken in the oven for 20 min on 450.

Well I guess it doesn't look that good. But anyway...back to the stir fry...the ONLY VEGGIE STIR FRY.

Those healthy sonsofguns are in the biggest pan I could find with ginger and garlic and a bit of oil...once they get crispy I add the sauce I cleverly / accidentally made first (see recipe above).
I THEN turn up the heat after adding the sauce (so EZ to make seriously go do it) and let it boil and not get so liquidy.
Mean time rice is a cookin, chicken is donezo so I chop it up and put it in with the veggies (because it was a VEGGIE ONLY STIR FRY) and have it all cook together.

OH THE EGG ROLLS! Dang I forgot them in the microwave...so I actually finish nukin them while everything is cooking together.

I call up my dad (who waits til a commercial to set the table for us...what are you five?! I just made you dinner!) and my brada home dog ... uh friend ... Levi to come over and try my MAKESHIFTTERIYAKIVEGGIESTIRFRY.

I did everything backwards and upside down but shoot dang was it good.





Great success.
So in summary. READ RECIPES BEFORE YOU COOK. TIMING IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT IN COOKING. and um check to see if things have an easy open ... spout...because they can come in handy.

Kris.

What I Learned in Church Today

Well that's a lie...I did not go to church today but I did when I started writing this.

Now it's Tuesday (which means that the weekend is almost here if you round to Wednesday which is practically Thursday which gives me the mindset of Friday).

So Lent is still going on for those of you who didn't know. Every Sunday we talk about the seven last words of Christ. I don't really understand that because we've covered 7 SENTENCES. But I'm learning here.


"MY GOD MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" is what was explained and talked about on Sunday.

The kids message was the most powerful part of the morning...which is ironic because it was first and I so could have left after that...just kidding :)

Basically what was said is GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. HE'S ALWAYS WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU FEEL LONELY.

Man oh boy oh shoot-dang did I need to hear that. It's always nice to have reminders.

I may regret this after posting it but it feels ok right now. I have been wrestling, fighting, giving in, punching, despising, hating, an eating disorder for about 5 years now. I've had issues with it since 8th grade when I realized I was bigger than everyone (and more awkward) but only after senior year of high school did I realize this was no way to live.

Pastor Paul talked about how when we sin we get tangled in our sorrow, loneliness, regret etc and get taken further away from the light. that is exactly what had been happening to me with this disease. I was getting close to finding serenity and peace when I would sin and be closed off from it. Being suffocated by my own two hands...if you will.

We can stand on the light or the dark side of the cross. We...I...you... have a choice and you are not alone when you make that choice. You have friends, family, God, whoever you chose as your higher power to give you the strength to be who you know you can be. To fight.

When Jesus was on the cross in pain he cried out to God...basically asking where are you right now? I need you more than ever.

In a way his despair and hopelessness and suffering is a sign of FAITH.

Faith I'm coming to find is believing and trusting and acting when facing abandonment.

The disease has become a habit, a mindset, a way of life and trying to break that is so difficult. It's a daily, hourly, struggle between my mind and my spirit and it. What I've come to find is when I feel so defeated when I feel this uncontrollable anger and sadness I know one thing.

That I can't live like this anymore. I want to get better. I WANT TO GET BETTER. That's the only fiber of truth I know...and it's what keeps me going. My faith in myself is not twisted by my disillusion, it can be quieted but it never goes away.

His cry to God was trust. He KNEW God (or whoever you look to) was there listening and had always been there. Jesus knew he could count on him to listen, understand, be there when no one else was.

When you feel lonely, so empty inside, like ya want to cry for no reason and you can't stop even though you're by yourself on a bus riding home from work sitting right next to someone reading their Kindle(...that may be from personal experience...) you can be honest with yourself and say I can't handle this.

That faith and courage you show when you give in and say you need help takes more strength than anything else.

Still obey. Still believe...because life doesn't give us things we can't handle.

I hope this makes sense. It was rather personal today.

Tomorrow I'm making TERIYAKI (no not buying it from Sunny's and putting it on a plate) (even tho I so want to) and will blog about that one.

Kris.

Moment For Life

I haven't written like this in a while...hope it takes you to where I was and what I was feeling...

My eyes are closed … my head bends down in line with my neck and back as I stretch my arms toward my feet. The pull of the stretch feels good. Breath in … breath out.
My heart beats slow as the sweat continues to rise and drop down my temples. I feel empowered. The black nothingness behind my eye lids is comforting … soothing … I now see what I was neglecting to when they were open.

It’s like my life was a song I’ve heard a million times but this is the first time I’ve taken time to listen to the words.

Discovery no matter how small is exhilarating.
My ears hear silence … the song changed in my head phones ... the easy intro into “Moment for Life” comes on. I switch legs…feeling the stretch deep … I hear…“to live doesn’t mean you’re alive.”

I feel so much more alive in this moment (and that I have a sound track for my life all of a sudden haha).

“I wish that I could have this moment for life…for life…for life…cus in this moment I just feel so alive…alive …alive”

I get up from the mat thinking my work out is done.

Then emotion takes over… unrecognizable and undeniable. It surges through me … whatever it is…energy…anger…sadness… elation. It wants out … I want out. My fists clench … my nails dig deep into my palms with pressure. Across the mirrored aerobics room I see the punching bag. The bass pulses through me and comes out in tears, frustration, confusion…I approach the bag.

Hit it once. Then again … right left right left. It absorbs whatever it is I’m putting out. It doesn’t push back, it doesn’t deny me, it doesn’t answer me, it is steady. My punches become more constant along with my tears. My knuckles start to redden, the delicate skin tears, making it difficult to hit hard … to get this aggression out…but I don’t stop. I’m not done yet…whatever has started this is not ready to stop.

I am free to express myself.

I plant my left foot and kick with my right. My whole body is thrown into the action … one fluid motion of emotion. I kick. I hit. I cry.

“…I wish I could have this moment for life….” The song ends.

I hit the bag one last time … realizing how much my knuckles hurt and how much my heart doesn’t anymore.

Kris.

What I Learned in Church Today

This is the Third Sunday in Lent.
Oh BTW I gave up artificial sugar...aka not using Splenda or having diet sodas.
I have had a successful time for the most part. Since I gave it up I've had like 10 splenda packets (I caved a couple times at work when I wanted tea) and ONE Pepsi Max. The Pepsi Max actually gave me a caffeine boost yesterday ... weird how when I was drinking like 4 diet sodas a day I never noticed.

So today I did NOT get church. The sermon was over, past, through my head haha But the coolest thing did happen...

I went to the 9 am service which was pizzacked compared to 11. And it was so cool because there was a BAND! I was like I need to come earlier more often. But their presence had nothing to do with time ... I guess they come every 3 months or so! And there usually is a band but these guys were different...you could tell they were real performers you know? Man I feel just awful for saying all of this because the USUAL people that sing and play for the church are great too. Ah. Anyway.

I don't sing.
In public.
Only in my car. Usually ALONE.
I have HATED and I mean strong dislike singing at church ... like NOT EVEN CHRISTMAS CAROLS. Ya ... believe it.
But today during the welcome I started singing...I didn't even realize it...and I started to tear up.
It was a freeing feeling. I didn't care. The fact that I suck at singing...that I was standing alone in the pew surrounded by couples and families...that I wasn't sure of the tune...didn't matter. I just automatically joined in.
These realizations or findings or little miracles I keep experiencing as I let God in my life are well AWESOME. It's a slow but constant learning process .. "it" meaning understanding who I am and who I'm becoming. I don't remember how I used to see my life exactly but there was a lot of anger, insecurities, days of unshakable loneliness. I don't feel that way anymore. I am realizing that I have a choice and I am choosing to ACT on life not react to it.
Kris.


BTW This was taken when I was at Ocean Shores yesterday. I did a promo for ESPN radio with The Groz. http://www.mynorthwest.com/category/grosby
It was a nice way to break up a day of work.
The sunset and ocean are so powerful and in an instant humbled me. Mother nature is so beautiful, powerful and serene (well in this case I guess!)

Vegetable Ragout...ish

So 2 points for me for cooking something new (ish) this week. I actually have made this recipe before ... or so I thought ... until I realized the stinkin magazine SELF called the recipe the same thing and CHANGED EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. So I lose two points for not actually reading the recipe before agreeing to cook dinner for everyone.

WHOOPS. It's all in a days work though.

So Vegetable Ragout.

Here's what it looks like in the end.



But first things first. You've got to get:
-1/2 cup of Low-sodium vegetable broth
-1/2 cup of water (easypeasy)
-2 cups of spinach
-1 cup chopped tomatoes...tomato?
-1 cup canned chickpeas (RINSE AND DRAINED! Otherwise it's all um slimy...yes I was a journalism student and yes that's the best adjective I can think of)

-1/2 cup frozen peas

(I took this just so I can say my dad's favorite joke..."I pead on the floor" HA)

-1 crushed garlic clove

ORRR You can cheat and use a half a teaspoon of this shtuff...haha look at my EYE...creep.

ONTO THE COOKING!!
Simmer the liquids for a bit and add all the other ingredients a short time after the chicken broth and water heat up like so ...


Make sure your pan is big enough .... this one ended up being fine.

But I was annoyed at the fact that I may have to move it. I am so lazy.

Simmer everything for about 20 minutes. This is where things got tricky for me...the magazine calls for it to simmer for 30 but there was so much water accumulating that I had to dump some out and it turned into more of a bunch of ingredients bowling in water than um RAGOUT (I don't even know what that is). So I learned that...if you cook everything for too long the peas turn a funny green color (overcooked) and the spinach is not even spinach anymore (Pop-Eye would be ashamed of how limp and pathetic his veggie is...does that sound dirty? ... anyway)

I served this dish with whole wheat pasta and apple sauce on ze side.
My family agreed that it'd be better with rice (psh THEN THEY MAKE DINNER NEXT TIME)...and actually I agree as well.

But it was super easy and healthy and cheap! ... sounds like I'm describing myself haha Wow I just think I'm too funny tonight.

Anyway an extra treat for you is bellow...it's my cat Buster. He just turned 9. Poor thing had gone to the vet today and was super drugged up and I took advantage of his ridiculousness.
 


 

Thanks for reading. It's bedtime. Kris.