A Few of my Favorite Things

So I was getting ready this morning and had a deep appreciation for my mascara.
I was like I should blog about my favorite girly stuff.
Oh man that sounds like I'm talking about something else hahaha
ANYWAY!

This is just my favorite products that I feel work and I "can't live without"

Vwallah!

OH! Please note that despite what you may think or have heard I am NOT A PROFESSIONAL MODEL...I know...I know...hard to believe with stunning radiant BREATHTAKING looks like mine.

I mean come on now the camera loves me.

Also please note that I am not a beauty professional and I had to look up how to spell moisturizer aka I'm just doing this for fun and to help my ladies out.

So here's what I look like on a normal makeup day and the products that help me look this darn good.














PS I am looking for a better anti frizz serum / cream / gel / miracle to add to my hair when I straighten it. Everyone I've tried weighs it down and is GREASY.

EWE.

Also if you have a favorite face powered I would love to know what it is.
And well shoot anything else you want to rant about.

This is going to be embarrassing if no one answers me...I can hear the internet crickets now...but hey it doesn't hurt to ask right?!

Kris.

Pretty Girl

This is something I wrote about my BATTLE! addiction. problem. Um serioushealthissue whatever you want to call it with bulimia and anorexia.

It's the disease talking to me, like a best friend would.

Reviewing it's power over me, the dedication I've made to it and all I've given up in order to keep the bond I have with it.

At the end it leaves me because I have outgrown the relationship.

I'm putting myself out on a limb here but well ... honestly I'm proud I was able to put this cunning seductive sonofabeesting sickness into words.

As always thanks (like a lot) for reading.


You want me to leave?
Girl. Don’t be silly-look at know how much you need me.

I pull back your hair as you can get rid of your despair.

I am your release from your anger and your confusion - close your eyes and give in to this illusion.

It’s all about what’s in front of you -what you see- that’s all you are all you'll ever be.

Shut and lock the door- turn the tv on -then you know you’re doing nothing wrong.

Girl. Breathe in one last time-let me hold onto what is mine.

Give in to your body's reaction - enjoy that pain - I give you instant satisfaction.

Honey...with my embrace so powerful and steady-you can be better than anybody.

Remember this is a talent slowly acquired- and to this you did aspire.

You wished for someone to be there- to rely on...to be near.

With vigor and ignorance you took me whole - but now you want me to free your soul?

Let you go and be at peace? - But girl. You've given me everything.

I have your mind and body-if I let them be-You won’t need me.

FINE. Swallow your doubts and dissatisfaction - Open your eyes to your attraction.

Raise your head wipe away those tears - This body is going to last through the years.

So I’ll let you live and leave you be - I let go of you and you are free-

free of me - your disease.

Kris.

The Way God Created the Work Week.

So I was reading the above literature.

HAHA no seriously...it's a great quick read before bed.

And the first story is THE BEGINNING.
Hm.
It relates to Creation, from Genesis 1.
I think I will finish this book ... yes it is a picture book ... before I move onto anything called Genesis (which yes ... I have no idea what that means).
ANYWAY So ... according to this in the beginning planet earth was empty, boring, blah. However the big man had a plan.

The first day He created light calling it "day" and giving the darkness the name of "night".
The second day He created the sky.
Third day He got busier ... making rivers, seas, beaches (yessssssssss), trees, flowers, trees etc.
The fourth day it was all about space ... He put lights in the sky sun for day and moon and stars for night.
FIFTH day He filled the oceans with whales and itty bitty feeeish (fish..said feeeish) and He put birds in the sky.
THE SIXTH DAY He put animals everywhere everything from furry cute guys to icky snakes. Oh and He made Man.
cool.
HA.
On the seventh day I think you all know what He did. He said wow I rock and I'm taking a break.

True story.

So as I was reading this...and maybe this is a well known fact or comparison that I wasn't aware of but I'm making it now...I thought hmmm this is our work week.

MONDAY. We get the basics done. Morning. Night. woo.

TUESDAY. There's momentum ... not much fun and flash ... serious business still to be done.

WEDNESDAY. We have fun. We realize HEY I have woken up 3 times for the work week. It's half over! And we create trees and mountains...or we say things like "Happy Hump Day."

THURSDAY. Still means business but we don't really care as much about the fact that we are at work because that glorious day of FRIDAY is almost here. There's still a ton of important things to do this day but we keep it simple because we've got that Friday frame of mind.

FRIDAY. Rolls around and shoot. We are just working with a smile because it is that wonderful day that we have missed since it left last week. We'll throw somethings around and do this and that just trying to finish on time.

SATURDAY. Comes and we are party animals that day (get it? because he made animals that day? EH?). Everyone is together enjoying what was done that week, celebrating their hard work...etc.

SUNDAY. Comes way too fast but boy did we need that break.

Hope you enjoyed this. I'm going to enjoy the sun now.

Kris.

What I Learned in Church Today

Today is the final Sunday in Lent, Palm Sunday.
This week before EASTER is called Holy Week.


Honestly...because I missed last Sunday's sermon because of work...I am a tad confuzzled. So I can't really explain the significance of today or this week leading up to Easter. I tried reading a child's bible...but ok no wait...I mean I DID READ it haha it wasn't that advanced for all you funny people out there...but it was too simple and skipped over Palm Sunday. So I'm going to have to ask some people questions...

AND GUESS WHAT?!

I have people now :) Yes. Today I had the guts to stay after church to introduce myself. I've been going for what two months now and each time I left there as fast as I could for some reason. But today God had something else in mind...

Awesome lady - "Are you looking for someone?"
Me - "No...actually I come alone..."
And from there I was introduced to the people that run the audio/sound/lights. As well as the Sunday school teacher.

I am now going to look into becoming a member of the church (classes start next weekend...I for once don't work all weekend (sign from the G man? Yes.), I will be trained on the audio/sound/funstuffboard. AND I am going to help watch the kids next Sunday (after a background check ...)

I kept having these awkward pauses when I was meeting people. I'm very good at these. Where I just smile because I'm not sure what to say but I know it's my turn to speak. And I covered up my nerves by smoothly saying "I'm nervous." EH EH? Good huh?

So I take notes when I go to church.



And honestly I can't write fast enough...half the time I miss the point because I'm so frantically trying to rewrite what was said that made so much sense for that glittering moment...and then it fades from my mind and I'm left with countless half sentences.
notetoself: ...pay attention.

So what I can tell you is that today we celebrate when Jesus came to Jerusalem.
I can tell you that "hosanna" means save us.
That this week we are to reflect on the bad and awful Jesus suffered for us ... instead of just skipping a head to the good part where he is resserected.

Today the words "It is finished," were discussed, this is what Jesus said when he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. There was talk of the blood of the sacraficial lamb and how we are the Lord's sheep. And oh I so am. I am kind of a black sheep though...I stray...away...far sometimes but shoot dang did he grab my attention today.

I have basically hit rock bottom this past month. Honestly, I'm miserable 80% of the time. I don't know why or how and I hate self pity but that's exactly what is going on. It's not like I've not tried to fight it. I've journaled, talked to friends, counted my blessings but the dark was dragging me down. Last night I had such hatred, anger, sorrow that I gave in to my disease. It took over. It hurt me I hurt me. And I'm not going into detail but as I said God grabbed me today and pulled me up. And that's what matters.

I walked into church today so defeated so ready so willing and he was there for me.
I was reminded and now believe that we are in Christ and he is in us.
When he died for our sins on the cross the power of DEATH AND SIN was taken.
I didn't realize it until it was spelled out for me today but I had given power to sin. I was bonded to my anxiety, my unknown future, finding every raod to be a dead end, changes in relationships, sadness, worry everything bad was attached to me. Pulling me down.

But Jesus is the lamb of God. He was killed and we were set free. I AM FREE. His blood and suffering was not in vain. I can live in the light, I can be happy, I just need to surrender and ask God what his will is. I need to stop fighting against everything and just trust.

He lives for me, he protects me, I am his, my days belong to him and my goodness gracious am I glad that we are in this together.

At the beginning of church there's always singing praise. Today everyone stood and started singing Lamb of God. I was in the back row, standing alone (yes I'm trying to create a lonely sad picture) still shaken from the night before. I could smell a faint stench of puke in my hair ... it lingering like my disease. My throat rough as I began to sing. My hands shaking on the pew in front of me. My dry red exhausted eyes began to well up and my voice faulted. My face got hot...as it's doing now and I began to cry as I'm doing now.

For some reason I felt relieved. I felt light. I felt hope. And I know that what I was feeling was Him.

Kris.

RANT ABOUT GETTING A JOB.

My mind is like Forrest Gump playing pingpong.
Yup. I thought of that awesome analogy all on my own.

I want a different job.

Or I want to move.

Or I don't want to move because I have an Amazing group of friends here. . . and cats.


Do I move? I am young. I am not tied down by anyone or anything. I miss the sun. So badly. But what would I do if I moved? WOuld it be a waste of energy? Time? Dampen my dreams further? Would it release me and this cage I keep putting myself in?

The uknown, uncertainty freaks me out. Makes me anxious. I feel like there's always something I overlooked, should be doing, a direction I'm not heading. WHAT IS THE RIGHT ANSWER?

I want a cool job.Meaning ... Well ... uh

...I'd like to be a runway model. That'd be fun. I think. I'd like a job where I get to use my wonderful personality. I'd like to not be stuck at a desk. I'd like to not have to wear a suit (I love wearing leggings). I'd like to make a difference in my community, my world. I'd like to get to interview people and find out about their lives. I'd like to learn something new everyday. I'd like to teach other people something new everyday. I'd like to travel as apart of my job. I'd like to have a job where I say what I do and have people go "OH that's a cool job." Because like I said I'd like a cool job.

Currently, I am a parttime receptionist. It's easy ... ish. It's repetitive ... ish. It's NOT WANT I WANT TO DO WITH MY DANG DEGREE I PAID THOUSDANDS FOR. And I get paid almost minimum to promote the radio station I interned at. Not bad. But...

...what SHOULD I be doing? I have all of this passion for writing/filming/being on camera. I crave to learn more about this field and how it works. I have knowledge as to how to work a camera, edit, report, write for a newspaper. AND NO ONE WANTS ME.

Am I marketing myself wrong? Are all these accomplishments and unused energy not being presented correctly? Am I being laughed at / overlooked everytime I write a heartfelt cover letter and send in my REREREREvamped resume?

But I keep doing what I can. Or what I think is right.
I keep applying. I keep networking. I keep going out on limbs...

That's why I have this blog. To keep writing while also doing what I want to in life...educate/inspire others. I write to you in hopes that my experiences or crazy rants spark something in you!

Like say you're incredibly sick of your job but don't know what to do. You feel like you're a cartoon character running in place. Working so hard but going no where. Hopefully you can find some comfort in knowing that I FEEL THE SAME DAMN WAY.

...sadly I have no suggestions for you other than what I am doing myself...or rather what I rarely sometimes remember to do myself.

1. BE PATIENT. Something will come in time and when it does it'll be worth it. Everyone keeps telling me that I'M YOUNG! I've got SO MUCH TIME.

2. BE GRATEFUL for what you have. (ie. I have TWO jobs. The reception job is consistent and I get to talk to upwards of a hundred people a day from all over the world. The other promotional job I'm on my feet and get to go to events I usually wouldn't get to).

3.DON'T GIVE UP. I have gotten rejected from every job I've applied to. Some rejections were bigger slaps and hurt more than others but I'm still standing and have taken something away from each interview/interaction.


So that's that. Nothing superduper cool (like the job I someday will have).

Kris.

What I Learned Today (Not in Church)

I did not go to church this morning because I had to work.
I was IN Seattle at 5:45 AM.
We were promoting KIRO NewsTalk Radio 97.3 FM and ESPN radio at the Seahawks 12k Run at the Landing in Renton. http://www.seahawks12krun.com/

It was actually pretty darn fun. Made my coworker and I want to actually do the run (HA I mean walk...for me at least...I don't think I've ever run that far on purpose).

I got a super cool bright green shirt out of it though...plus a ton of free samples. (chocolate milk and breakfast cookies taking the lead)

So I'm going to tell you what I noticed/learned/um thought about yesterday on my walk around my neighborhood.

I chose to NOT listen to music on my walk (usually this is not the case...I love to listen to techno really loud and act like a model on a runway. True story. If you think I walk funny you now know why)...

So back to the "silent" walk I was on.

I thought I would be bored but as soon as I started I heard things...like well typical...dogs barking,
my neighbor's dirt bike starting up (and dieing...and repeat),
kids SCREECHING or laughing in pure joy!,
the purr of a gorgeous quiet car that I think I want but have no idea what it is called...only that I want it in white :)

then I heard some other things like ... birds. WAIT? Birds? Oh ya it's spring! I had never noticed that the chirping had gone away. It's like when you are so sick and hate life but as soon as you are fine you forget that you're not sick anymore. Like that you're not hating life and you take it for granted...

I heard myself sigh...like a satisfied...I'm glad I got out of my house and out of my head sigh...like maybe things aren't so bad...maybe I can define this weather and gloomy cloud permanently over my head.

THEN I REALIZED.

I have a choice to whether I'm happy or not.
Like my walk. I went on it because I needed to get away from my house away from my thoughts away from my insecurities. And I did.

I chose to get out, I got out, I got better.

So I hope this inspires you to get away from this screen and GO DO. Go throw the football, go walk, go garden something ... because you don't have to be stuck where you are. Unless you like where you are...and in that case GO DO something to help you stay there.

My friend told me once that today is a gift...because it is the present.

Kris.

YAKI - YUM

Hey Oven...what do you want to cook tonight? Eh?



So let's lighten the mood.
I made bombdiggity teriyaki stir fry. It was a fiasco until the end.






I got this tasty guy off my kitchen counter (thanks mom). Oh and Swanson Broth...but I totally used general FRED MEYER BRAND because it's cheaper.




Here's what NOT to do when making stir fry.

DON'T
Get a recipe and not read through it (I believe I said that before...and I believe I'll say it again).
I began preparing for this recipe and things were going good...





PS Cutting broccoli and cauliflour SUCKS it goes everywhere like confetti.

So smooth sailing until I realize it says NOTHING about adding the chicken I marinated overnight (with low sodium soy sauce...just a hint of it though). Then I read the recipe again it says VEGETABLE STIR FRY.

oh shit.

Panic mode...where does the rice come in? How do I add the chicken? When do I? Oh man rice takes like 15 minutes and I'm already heating up the egg rolls in the microwave and I haven't even cooked the dang chicken.

FAIL.

So I back track. Stop cutting veggies and nuking the egg rolls. I make rice.



Which has an easy pour spout...notice how I didn't notice that when opening it...

again this stuff is like glitter...gets everywhere.

Ok yay rice is cooking. Put the chicken in the oven for 20 min on 450.

Well I guess it doesn't look that good. But anyway...back to the stir fry...the ONLY VEGGIE STIR FRY.

Those healthy sonsofguns are in the biggest pan I could find with ginger and garlic and a bit of oil...once they get crispy I add the sauce I cleverly / accidentally made first (see recipe above).
I THEN turn up the heat after adding the sauce (so EZ to make seriously go do it) and let it boil and not get so liquidy.
Mean time rice is a cookin, chicken is donezo so I chop it up and put it in with the veggies (because it was a VEGGIE ONLY STIR FRY) and have it all cook together.

OH THE EGG ROLLS! Dang I forgot them in the microwave...so I actually finish nukin them while everything is cooking together.

I call up my dad (who waits til a commercial to set the table for us...what are you five?! I just made you dinner!) and my brada home dog ... uh friend ... Levi to come over and try my MAKESHIFTTERIYAKIVEGGIESTIRFRY.

I did everything backwards and upside down but shoot dang was it good.





Great success.
So in summary. READ RECIPES BEFORE YOU COOK. TIMING IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT IN COOKING. and um check to see if things have an easy open ... spout...because they can come in handy.

Kris.

What I Learned in Church Today

Well that's a lie...I did not go to church today but I did when I started writing this.

Now it's Tuesday (which means that the weekend is almost here if you round to Wednesday which is practically Thursday which gives me the mindset of Friday).

So Lent is still going on for those of you who didn't know. Every Sunday we talk about the seven last words of Christ. I don't really understand that because we've covered 7 SENTENCES. But I'm learning here.


"MY GOD MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" is what was explained and talked about on Sunday.

The kids message was the most powerful part of the morning...which is ironic because it was first and I so could have left after that...just kidding :)

Basically what was said is GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. HE'S ALWAYS WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU FEEL LONELY.

Man oh boy oh shoot-dang did I need to hear that. It's always nice to have reminders.

I may regret this after posting it but it feels ok right now. I have been wrestling, fighting, giving in, punching, despising, hating, an eating disorder for about 5 years now. I've had issues with it since 8th grade when I realized I was bigger than everyone (and more awkward) but only after senior year of high school did I realize this was no way to live.

Pastor Paul talked about how when we sin we get tangled in our sorrow, loneliness, regret etc and get taken further away from the light. that is exactly what had been happening to me with this disease. I was getting close to finding serenity and peace when I would sin and be closed off from it. Being suffocated by my own two hands...if you will.

We can stand on the light or the dark side of the cross. We...I...you... have a choice and you are not alone when you make that choice. You have friends, family, God, whoever you chose as your higher power to give you the strength to be who you know you can be. To fight.

When Jesus was on the cross in pain he cried out to God...basically asking where are you right now? I need you more than ever.

In a way his despair and hopelessness and suffering is a sign of FAITH.

Faith I'm coming to find is believing and trusting and acting when facing abandonment.

The disease has become a habit, a mindset, a way of life and trying to break that is so difficult. It's a daily, hourly, struggle between my mind and my spirit and it. What I've come to find is when I feel so defeated when I feel this uncontrollable anger and sadness I know one thing.

That I can't live like this anymore. I want to get better. I WANT TO GET BETTER. That's the only fiber of truth I know...and it's what keeps me going. My faith in myself is not twisted by my disillusion, it can be quieted but it never goes away.

His cry to God was trust. He KNEW God (or whoever you look to) was there listening and had always been there. Jesus knew he could count on him to listen, understand, be there when no one else was.

When you feel lonely, so empty inside, like ya want to cry for no reason and you can't stop even though you're by yourself on a bus riding home from work sitting right next to someone reading their Kindle(...that may be from personal experience...) you can be honest with yourself and say I can't handle this.

That faith and courage you show when you give in and say you need help takes more strength than anything else.

Still obey. Still believe...because life doesn't give us things we can't handle.

I hope this makes sense. It was rather personal today.

Tomorrow I'm making TERIYAKI (no not buying it from Sunny's and putting it on a plate) (even tho I so want to) and will blog about that one.

Kris.