Well...That Was Awkward.

A day in the life of me.

So as long as I'm being honest, I thought I'd show you a glimpse into what my daily life looks like. No worries I won't tell you like when I wake up or what I eat for lunch (5:52 am turkey and cheese sammy) but I mean like the ridiculous shit I do.

I have the most fun sharing random stories like these with my best friends, makes me feel more normal and laughing at their expense is awesome.

So in hopes to entertain you, make you feel less lame (not that you are lame…shoot this may confirm that I am as odd as I thought I was) here are random things that happened to me yesterday (that yes, I kept track of).

What inspired this was the fact that I took a bite of a scrumptious apple and drooled all over my front, of course someone from tech walked by as I make a huge slurping noise…

Then I continued to eat my juicy apple and realized I attempted to eat the sticker because I practically choked on it.

On my way to the bathroom later I just forgot how doors worked and didn't fully open it before attempting to go through it.

When in the bathroom I couldn't get the stupid toilet set covers out so I ended up with like 15 and couldn't figure out what to do with them all so I attempted to put them back in unsuccessfully. I ended up hanging them on the door in hopes someone else would use them.

Another time in the bathroom again, I was so out of it I washed my hands then hit the soap dispenser instead of going for the paper towels. Luckily the other girl in there found this as hilarious as I did.

At my desk I snorted loudly when seeing this image for a sale I was writing.



It's currently my background.

An attractive male coworker told me my voice made me sound like a tranny.

When going down the stairs to head out on my walk I was dancing / rapping to Missy Elliott's 1 2 Step. Didn't know I had an audience until I was face to face with two people coming back from lunch and awkwardly made my quiet singing into a loud cough.

On my walk to my bus my umbrella wouldn't close and I found myself talking to it…ok well yelling at it to "fucking shut you stupid piece of shit" as I walked passed a homeless man…also angry at the world.

I got honked at by a bus when on the corner of the street because I guess he thought I was trying to run out in front of it? The homeless man next to me politely said "Don't worry you'd still be pretty if you got hit by a bus." WHY THANK YOU.

And to end my night I was at Fred Meyer, until closing. I was the last maniac running around the aisles trying to find puff paint. I was joined by a very elderly man in the check out line griping about how much his pumpkin pie cost.

Welcome to my life.

FUCKINGSHITIMGOOD

Guess what.
That's rhetorical.

I just realized that I'm the happiest I've been in over a year? In fact I cannot remember being this happy-go-lucky, smile at strangers, wash my hair more than twice a week, (literally)dance like no ones watching HAPPY.

BOYA. . . boo ya? haha WHATEVER.

Yes I have an eating disorder that controls 80% of my thoughts and yes I have a pending DUI that my lawyer just informed me today I will most likely be convicted of and yes I totalled my pride and joy of a car (RIP PEARL) BUT...I am happy.

Like legit, in a really good place, fuck ya I'm good happy. And I would like to acknowledge that. I owe a lot of that happiness to everyone...BUT myself.

To those of you who read my blog and take two seconds out of your day to tell me to stay strong, that you relate to me, that you even think I'm clever (ok we won't go that far...but I'll go with funny) THANK YOU. Writing is the one thing that I can make sense of my thoughts. I can be me. I can try to figure my life out.

My friends have been my rocks, like solid steel have a force field around them kind of rocks...that are magical (for kicks). You guys let me be me and it's ok. I am uncensored and I like it. I don't feel myself over thinking things when I'm with you. You really are the light in my life and it took me a while to find people like you, and now that I have I'm not letting you go.

My family has come a long way too. From having me hide my disease to me being able to yell I WANT TO EAT THIS CAKE AND THEN THROW IT UP. Can we please put it away? And having my mom ask me how my meetings are going rather than not tell our extended family that I'm a problem child.

Also, program. Oh the 12 step nonsense that I used to make fun of in school, that sarcastic "acceptance is the first step" when mocking a friend has now become something I practice hourly. It gave me the confidence to turn my life around. It helped me find my God and know I'm not alone. I got this crazy idea that I was better than what my disease was telling me, that I can do things if I try, that I deserve more...I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

I am moving out of my house finally to a great neighborhood with friends nearby. I just got my first big girl job. And I've got a month of sobriety on the board.
Plus I have discovered that going to shows / raves are the best thing ever, they've really contributed to my sunny disposition too.

I also have a great person of the opposite sex in my life who I don't get crazygirlstupid over. Who makes my heart skip a beat, who makes me feel sexy, who makes me feel confident, who makes me feel like I'm ok being me. I don't censor myself around them. I don't hide my affection because I'm afraid of getting hurt...I let it all hang out...bad joke? Yes. And the best part is...I'm happy when I'm with them and when I'm not.

There's that word again HAPPY.

I just gripe so much and write dark depressing metaphorical things all the time so here's giving credit where credit is due.

I'm so blessed and I don't want to take it for granted.

<3 Count your blessings because if you open your eyes to them...they are out there.

beats.

I did a crazy thing the other day.

I dropped (I feel so cool when I say that) $249.99 on MIXR BEATS BY DR.DRE.

I then spent $39.99 on a protection plan with the boys at Best Buy...which gets me new head phones no questions asked for two years any time I need em.

After spending this insane amount on headphones (I have trouble spending more than $5 on a foot long from Subway) I was ecstatic. I even called people to tell them how excited I was.

After taking them out of the cool box with Dr. Dre's face on it, and putting aside the catalog that came with the headphones (in case I wanted to throw the rest of my savings away into some ear buds) and I popped these bad boys on...

my high died.

They sound sick. But being a regular ol gal that barely knows treble from bass (DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE TO COMPARE TO EACH OTHER?) and Sony from Bose, I wasn't sure if I really should have spent that much.

Now. We all know I like music. Or for those of you who don't, I like music. There now we are on the same page. I have spent more money on concerts and shows and raves in the last year than anything else (EXCEPT MY DUI...). I listen to music morning day and night. And I want epic head phones that make me feel cool look cool
(and clearly these did)

oh plus they have to be quality.

I got that with beats but I don't think it was worth it.

PROS

They are fucking durable.

They have that epic b on the side that lets everyone know that you manned up and bought beats.

They have a volume control on them and you can mute them without touching your music device.

They have a carrying case and can be folded up easily. So you're not attempting to break them every time you shove them away.

They sound great. From what I know, I really liked the quality. I could hear each beat much clearer than I could in the other cheaper headphones at Best Buy.

CONS

They are $250.

They hurt the hell out of my ears. It was like they were pinned back. I had to keep adjusting them through out my day.

If I'm going to pay $250 for head phones I want to wear them when I work out, but I didn't like how hot they made me (but then again they are on the ear head phones).

So there you have it. If you get a great tax return look into them but if not and you're broke as shit don't.

:)

Waves

I wake up abruptly.

My eyes flash open but to no avail, I cannot see. My lungs crave air but nothing comes. I open my mouth to let it in and it fills with water. My stomach lurches and panic sets in, I realize I'm helpless, being tossed in the current of an ocean.

It's black, engrossing me entirely. There's pressure on all sides of my body. I try to fight against my situation, kicking grabbing, pushing-trying to find which way is up. I'm so lost I don't know what's helping and what's hurting.

I don't know where exactly I am but instinct tells me it's a bad place. I'm not sure what to do, but to keep trying it's fight or flight time and I am finding myself fighting.

Nothing seems to be helping though and my life is slipping away by the second. I feel my heart beating deep within me, rapidly, like it's going to explode. My arms attempt to get me to the surface which I cannot see.

I don't know where I'm going or what I'll do when I get there, all I know is my life is the most important thing now. I need the light, I need air, I need to survive.

Just when I feel that I've lost it all, that once again my confusion anger struggle has gotten the best of me I see the light. It's a glimmer that's not very bright but it's the most hope I've had in what feels like ages. I head towards it eagerly, putting every ounce of energy I have left into getting to a better place.

I break the surface and leave death to find life. I find air, light. I've been given a second chance. Someone saw my efforts, saw that I wanted out, that I didn't want my life to end in the dark that had taken a hold of me.

I can't see whoever it was that helped me. I cannot thank them face-to-face. I didn't know they existed until I took that breath of air, but that didn't' stop me from fighting. It didn't stop me from believing that there was something better than the overwhelming pressure and condemnation that I found myself in.

Now I'm here being lulled by the waves, the sun is coming up and I'm exhausted. I've been given a second chance but where do I go from here? I feel I'm too tired to go on much longer. I'm disoriented, confused and yet there's an elation, a light that's sparked in me. I came so close to death then was given the gift that is life, my life.

But now I tread water, being bounced by the waves and am uncertain of my next direction. I could go under again anytime.

Where do I go from here?

THAT'S MY CUT. yo.

These songs are on heavy rotation in.my.life.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10. And now I want to go dance. Work? What is that.

Enjoy.