What I Learned In Church Today

It's so nice when the pastor makes the sermon specifically for me. Just makes the whole learning process easier.

Today we read Matthew 6:24 - 33.

"No one can serve two masters..." So of course this is talking about Ed and I. I can't be faithful to Ed and myself at the same time, or God for that matter.

He said, "Simplicity is freedom." Well that's easy enough isn't it?

As soon as I sat down in my pew I began to write on the first piece of paper I could find. My thoughts were going a hundred miles a minute. I am back in my life now which means two jobs, church, volunteering at church, working out and trying to have a social life OH YA and that RECOVERY THING. How the hell am I supposed to do all this?

I went from 11 hours 7 days a week of me time to EVERYTHING and then some. Fack.

BUT I was reminded today that if I serve Him and put Him first he will take care of me. If I surrender, let go, I will be ok.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" - see I told you the sermon was all about me.

God has given me life so he'll give me the things I need to live. For so long I've been in fear. I've been living in fear of not getting what I need. I was afraid I wouldn't be happy and I wouldn't be loved, so I did eating disorder behaviors to try to find love and happiness (through looking pretty so everyone else will like me).

When ironically as soon as I began to give up these behaviors and my disease I found more joy and happiness than ever. I also discovered that you guys like me and want the best for me. And the way to do that is by being me and letting go of the actions and rituals I thought would make everything wonderful in the first place.

Make sense? Let's hope so.

Today I was reminded that where ever He takes me it'll be ok. God will provide for me.

And it is true. He will and has!

I was singing the worship songs and they brought back memories. Memories of when I stood in the same spot singing the same lyrics hoping that I'll see this light. That I'll find this strength in weakness. That I'll be ok. And now I am. 

This morning when I sang the songs I was praising and not pleading. I am no longer lost or distraught, I feel blessed and thankful. 

God bless. Go Seahawks.