Getting Over You.

Last night I broke down around midnight asking my very recent ex to talk to me tomorrow. Our first conversation since I told him everything.

He said he would.

I realized with a breathtaking flutter of my heart that if he had wanted to talk to me earlier, if he wanted me back he would have simply contacted me. And that yes this is actually over.

I started to gasp for air. I couldn't breathe. I felt as though I couldn't physically take this reality.

My mind miraculously—no give myself credit—because of my time in recovery my mind went back to my earliest treatment days. To the I am a tree grounding technique. 

I pictured myself at Paradiso (a music festival here in the Pacific Northwest—my happy place).

My roots growing into the ground.

The sun on my face.

My arms wide.

Absorbing the energy.

Breathing freely.

And that helped put me to sleep.

This morning I wrote this while listening to Beat Organ (Original Mix) by 16 Bit Lolitas.

This is the first morning I actually wanted to wake up.

“I am a tree.

My roots need soft soil with nutrients to grow.

I cannot force my roots to grow in a hard, toxic, unhealthy environment or where they are not wanted.

There can be no conflicting energies deep down in my roots.

They are made up of my values: peace, love, unity and respect. 

I pull from Mother Earth to strengthen my roots and give me guidance.
My trunk is supported by my friends and family.

They help keep me stable when the weather comes down hard and appreciate the sunlight.

They are my forever supporters.

Because of my values and my support system I am able to reach tall and wide and blossom.

My branches are extensions of my learnings, my failures and my triumphs.

They open my heart wide for love and acceptance.

They create a beauty all their own.

I am a tree.”