Bulimia Kills

I have a confession that's hard to type out because when I do it becomes more real.

In group we learned about the ways that bulimia can kill you.

In my 11 years of having an eating disorder I have not once, NOT ONCE, looked up the physical impacts of it. I didn't want to know.

Then 4 days ago I was told that there are quite a few ways I can die from this:

1) Electrolyte Imbalance : Electrolyte balance in our bodies ensures our muscles, organs and nerves work properly. Bulimics often suffer from severe electrolyte imbalances caused by extreme vomiting or laxative abuse (luckily I have never tried that).

Electrolyte imbalances put massive stress on your organs and can cause sudden cardiac arrest and death.

Personally I have an irregular heartbeat and am often very swollen after purging because of dehydration.

2) Gastric Rupture

This is when a bulimic eats a massive amount of food while binge eating. The volume of food that's consumed is so great that it bursts the gastro-intestinal tract.

These are incredibly scary because it will most likely kill you unexpectedly.

3) Ketoacidosis

Ketoacidosis is high levels of acid that builds up in your blood (also known as ketones). They occur when your body burns stored fat, rather than food sources, to gain it's energy.

It is caused by starvation, bingeing and purging, extreme dehydration, diabetes, alcoholism and hyperglycemia.

Unfortunately it looks like I have four of those on my list (starvation, binging and purging, dehydration and alcohol abuse at least).

If Ketoacidosis is not treated, it could result in a sudden coma and even death.

4) Cancer

Most bulimics have constant and severe acid reflux caused from their damaged their 'non-return valve' which helps to keep food down.

1 in every 10 people who suffer from terrible acid reflux will develop a condition called from Barrett's Esophagus.

Barrett's Esophagus can lead to cancer of the esophagus-recommended treatment is removal of most of the esophagus. 

Gives me shudders.

5) Suicide

Bulimia and depression are two intertwined illnesses. It's a domino effect, one causes one which in turn causes the other.

I have NEVER thought about taking my life, but I have been severely depressed.

As you know, or are about to find out, my blog is called By Me For You. 

The title is more prevalent in this post than it usually is because I want and hope and pray that another bulimic stumbles upon this and becomes as terrified as I am, or at least realize what they er we are doing to ourselves.

However, being terrified didn't scare the disease out of me. And after finding the above out I still binged and purged on Sunday. In fact, it was a pretty bad one-to the point where I threw up blood and popped capillaries in my face. They all around my eyes and under them. I've never shown anyone these before. It's not as distinct in the picture but if you were looking at my lovely face now, you'd see.

Now, I know this doesn't sound like positive things, which is the route I wanted to start taking my blog, but in a way it is. It's so good that I have finally faced the facts. I'm scared. I am so very scared. I want to live. I want to live a life free of this disease. And I deserve it. 

The above list is positive because it's knowledge and knowledge is power.

Also, since I'm being so very honest I need to tell you that I do not have a hold on alcohol anymore. It's very shameful for me to say because I'd like to act like I'm ok and at least have a handle on one thing in my life but I don't. 

So once again I am trying to stop drinking. Every time I drink (almost) I drink for the wrong reason and excessively. But the main issue is I always binge and purge if I have it in my system. By me saying this publicly I'll hopefully be too embarrassed to drink when I go out (the only time I drink) because one of you  just might see me.

Going with the positive theme though....

Here are some things that went well today:

I got to admire my shellac manicure all day. And so did everyone else because I wouldn't stop showing it off.

I went to my parents' to decorate the tree. I had ridden the bus in and my dad suggested a Starbucks run. He read my mind. I got out my clutch because my dad, well, he never pays for anything. To my delight he bought-however I forgot my wallet there. THANK GOD no one stole it. Good ol' Bothell. Decorating the tree was really fun. We went through so many memories. 

A year ago today my Grandma died. It doesn't feel like a year and I miss her terribly. It was really good to be at home with my family for part of today.

I also got to hang out with my cat, Lucy, who's the size of a dog. This shows you how far I've come in my recovery-I NEVER would have put this disgusting of a picture up of myself to total strangers-but it's too damn funny not to.

Something else that went well is I got to skype with Chacha. I miss him so much. He'll be home in uh 3 weeks. My mom came into the room while I was saying dimple and he thought I was saying nipple. Great. Then, even more embarrassing, my  mom yells (because she doesn't exactly understand how a computer mic works) "YOU SHOULD COME VISIT US, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY KRISTIN IF YOU DO. WE'D JUST LIKE TO MEET YOU." Great mom. Thanks.

I also bought jeans today. GASP. My mind goes to working out immediately ... but these fit. And I have found that the CURVY jeans fit this ass better. Thank you.

I'm going to go write Christmas cards for Chacha and family then pass out.

Thank you for reading and helping me through this. It's very scary to be this honest but it also feels good. 

Source: http://EzineArticles.com/4202979