Story Book Ending My Ass

I don't think there is such thing as a "Mister Right." At least for me. There seems to be a right now, right at the time ... dude and then he leaves ... gets uninterested or I do.

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do."

I agree with the first part but the second just pissed me right off. When you figure it out. OH OK. Let me just have all the answers. That's where He comes in. And in hindsight you understand how things work but in the moment I feel lost, stupid and stumble. Like grasping in the dark, scared of what I will touch but even more scared to not try to find the light.

I don't understand why guys do what they do. One second they are all over you texting, dates, calling you saying stupid things that make me blush and smile. Then a week later I'm second guessing myself. Why did he stop talking to me? What did I do? It's so fucking annoying. I wish I didn't care. And I've learned to not cater my actions or happiness around them. I just don't even get my hopes up anymore, as much as I can, I'm only human…or only a chick. I act like I don't care and tell myself that I'm in a relationship with myself. I am selfish. I do what I want when I want and I like it. Which is true. I'm too crazy to have anyone in my life but sometimes I just want to cuddle damnit. I want someone to tell me I'm beautiful and believe them. I'm not sure if it's for the reassurance or just that I've got a lot of love to give and want to make someone feel special.

So that brings me back to my intro. There are guys that make me feel that way atm, that month or two, and then they're gone. They come when I'm not looking and leave when I'm not expecting it. After seeing my parent's marriage and the way guys treat my friends sometimes, I'm just over the mind games they play or shoot that I play on myself.

Living happily ever after sounds lovely. Having someone that was meant for you and that you can't live without. I thought I had that but look at me I'm still alive and kickin' without him. So I was wrong, or had him for that 'season' if you will. I change so much that there's no way some dude can keep up with me, nor do I want to slow down / change for someone else.

And I'm ok with this. But I just had to write it out.

Let me know what you think. Fairy tales are only produced by Disney?

Kris.

Self-Love

So maybe you've caught on that I learn things slowly.

Like if I drive drunk...I'm eventually going to get caught. -- Drive hammered get nailed is not just a clever saying they thought up...it's got some weight to it.

If I text while I drive...I'm eventually going to total my pride and joy (aka Pearl, my Subaru 2003 Outback aka my freedom).

If I keep overeating and throwing up...I'm going to continue to have an eating disorder.

If I keep telling myself I'm worthless and ugly and stupid and that no one likes me...I'll continue to believe it.

But recently I learned somethings that were a little...A LOT...more positive.

If I tell myself that I deserve recovery...If I start changing my habits one meal / hour / instance / whatever at a time...I will make progress.

That's the key to change...is slow steps forward...not giving up...whatever it is you're doing...or trying to accomplish...it will only work if you work it.

So.

If I actually look in the mirror at myself and tell myself...

I'm worth recovery. I deserve a better life. I'm a beautiful person. I'm sexy. I'm smart. I'm a selfless, self respecting person.

It'll start to come true.

Have you ever tried standing naked in front of the mirror and telling yourself you're just fine the way you are? It's hard. When I've tried my throat gets dry, tongue swells up, I begin to shake and cry. All my life (most of what I can remember) I've been critiquing, analyzing, HATIN' (ha ha) on myself. I have had no other idea of what I am or who I could be because I wouldn't let myself. That was the unknown that was scary that was unimaginable.

Now that I'm not seeing myself that way. I'M SCARED SHITLESS. What if happiness is possible? Not permanent white picket fence perfection bullshit happiness but a calm, serenity, positive outlook on life? A center that I get to go back to...to live in? These are thoughts I've never allowed myself to fathom...now that I am I've gone to crazy town. It exists...I live there currently. Second guessing myself...my words...my actions...who I'm becoming without the disease. AND THE SCARIEST THING?!

IS I LIKE WHO I AM. It's wonderful. It's freeing. But it takes work.

So for today...just in this hour I've done something that makes me feel good. I've written. I've shared some bit of my recovery with whoever chooses to read this...and if not with anyone I've shared it with my God and myself.

But shootdang. I hope someone reads this.

<3

Can't Help But Smile

It is disGUSTing (get it?gust ... Wind? Eh?) Outside. Simply miserable...like my hair right now.

(I was writing this on my phone but only just uploaded it um well meow)

I'm on the silent, pleasant, slightly muggy bus that takes me to and from work everyday.

I live for this bus. If this bus was a dude I'd be a stage 5 clinger. I need to know where it is at all times, I literally chase it and man do I ride it hard. Ha. Had to. My apologies.

Anyway, even though it is much less than pleasurable outside I have a warm heart.

Aw.

Funny things happened today. Things that were silly and simple and splendid...simply splendid surprises. Sorry. That's the copy writer in me.

First thing was when my umbrella blew inside out, 5 times, as I walked to work. I couldn't stop laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. My socks had fallen inside my boots, my hair clung to my face and my hood blew off. I felt comical.

Second thing that made my heart jump and brought a stupid grin to my face was when I was on my walk. I do a lap to Safeco daily.

So some tall dark and handsome thing came out of the parking garage. I was all in the zone listening to Calvin Harris when we caught eyes. I got embarrassed like I was awkward and in 7th grade again (now I'm just awkward). But something in me made me look back up and smile catch his green eyes for a lingering moment, quick enough to bite my lip a bit (nervous habit) and walk on. That gave me a surge of confidence. Whether I looked like an idiot or not I dont care because Id like to stay ignorant and think I was a touch sexy.

Last but not least was just a bit ago I was waiting for my bus out of the rain in the entrance of a parking garage. The entire entry way is glass, I like it bc then I can see my bus coming. I was stretching out my hamstrings in a lunge when I was reminded how glass works. You can see through it...meaning I can see out and people can see in. I had forgotten the second part and this guy, pretty cute I might add, imitated my lunge. It took me a second to figure out wtf he was doing but when I did I stood straight up and glared. Then dropped my scowl into a smile. I mean it really was funny. He walked off looking back waving as we both cracked up.

Completely stupid small things bright light to my day. I'm glad to say I can recognize those things now. I can appreciate those things now. And I ask you...what made your day today?

There was so much cheese in that question you could make a mean quesadilla.

BTW All these pictures were taken on my way to or from work. You just have to stop and look for the beauty in things. It's not hard if your heart and mind are open.

<3 Kris.

A Year Ago I Was...

On Monday, October 31st it will have been a year since I went to Brisbane, Australia.

(Technically this is Stradbroke Island...) (Photo credit...James Carr :) )

So many emotions come up when I think of what I'm doing now compared to what I was doing then.

Time was running out for it to be still acceptable to be unemployed after graduating that summer. I was job searching, desperate for anything that paid decently...demoralized since I wasn't able to find anything in my field of study. Thanks degree.

I ended up being a receptionist at Microsoft (for seven months).

I was working promos for Bonneville Seattle...am still there...hardly though.

Now I have a full time job, writing.

I was dating the guy who I thought was the love of my life, the one that just might be uhh THE ONE. It was love, but not that kind of love. We were doing the long distance thing, a different hemisphere long distance. I had it better than I knew, you don't know what you have until it's gone right? Yay learning experiences haha He was studying abroad in Brissy and I took the opportunity to visit him. Until I left on Halloween night, my day to day was focused on the gym, working promos, job hunting, skyping with him and writing/reading letters from him.

It was about this time I started taking my recovery seriously.

For some reason this makes me cry, yes as I type this I'm getting all flustered. It's amazing how hard this recovery is. This really is a disease, a sickness, an addiction. It's a state of mind, a BAD habit that I've been practicing for lord how many years now? 23-14 = 9. Almost 10 years.

Yes please note my birthday is January 9, I like roses and football. Thanks.

I have come so far.

I have discovered I'm angry and why.

I have found out I'm not alone in the crazy things I do to keep this disease alive.

I have people now that know what I'm going through and really understand.

I have the tools to overcome this and my God it's happening so slowly but it's happening.

I have also found God. My God. I'm not sure about religion and the bible (should that be capitalized? haha) and all that but now I know I'm not in charge. He is. When I can't handle things, when I'm lost, feel alone, disheartened there is sometimes an automatic reaction to turn to my higher power instead of abusive behaviors. It's not a habit yet, but it's getting there.

I don't know how to describe the little miracles that have happened in my life, or how I describe where my faith is coming from but I'll try.

This is lame. kind of. so laugh if you like. shoot I am...

You know that catchy song...Without You? By David Guetta and Usher (URSHER baby.). Well I don't think of a dude when I think of that (however it'd be NICE to have someone feel that way about me) I think of God.

I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game
Without you, without you

I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you

I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by
Without you, without you

I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I

So since I began thinking of that song in terms of faith...it plays at the most epic moments. YES it's over played on the radio but it will come on my phone when it's on shuffle when I need an extra uh jolt of help?

Stuff's not so bueno right now and I was thinking when driving home this morning and BAM the song came on and I just lost it. I had goosebumps, my heart dropped, I felt like I was being held and everything would be ok. Now that I believe He is there I see Him everywhere. This is something that I am so thankful for.

Goes to show me (maybe you too) that my efforts are working and I can become a better person, with His guidance and my effort.

<3 have a SAFE Halloween.

Kris.

Punishment

Punishment. It sucks. Makes you feel small, makes you THINK ("Kristin LEIGH! go over in that corner and think about what you did wrong!" Ugh...THANKS MOM.) makes you put your doggone tail between your legs (har har get it doggone and tail because of dogs?), it makes you regret what you've done.

Ok you get it. It sucks.

I realized ... while thinking of WHO ELSE but myself and jamming around my room to Paper Diamond. <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7tsYE57UnqE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen>iframe>

... oh um sidetracked...I realized that...

I've been punishing myself most of my life. Long story short: I never liked me. Which means I didn't like my life. Which in turn means I felt that my actions were wrong, that I was committing crimes, I didn't accept myself because I wasn't good enough. AND WHAT DO BAD PEOPLE GET?

PUNISHMENT!

I would over exercise to hurt my bad body for eating too much, for not being thin enough, for having that old dude check me out in shorts.
I would overeat because I wanted to stuff my fat face with what it deserved.
I would throw it up because I wanted to hurt my body for what it had done, how dare it! How dare it eat and ruin my starvation regimen?!
I would talk down to myself because I deserved it. What a pathetic stupid self centered person I was...and I thought I deserved to have confidence? To have friends? Guys like me? A chance at a better job? Who the fuck was I kidding?
I would go for guys who didn't give me the time of day, they fed my negativity, gave me a reason to hold onto my disease. "See look, I told you, you're not hot enough, funny enough, sexy enough, charming enough for him ... he doesn't like you for a good reason ... "

As a result of this I have let the disease take over most of my life and led me to believe I don't get to go out on a "school night" I have to work out. I don't look good enough to go shopping. I can't eat that brownie...etc

I crave attention and approval from everyone and everything because it's something I wont give myself.
I'm too busy punishing me.

WELL NOT ANY DAMN MORE. It's so hard to let go, to tell that bitch in my head to shut up. But with my Higher Power's help I'm doing it.

Nothing is in my hands anymore. It's in His. I'm asking him to take over and not the disease. I'm asking for guidance, to think outside of myself, to no longer cater to this person that's resided inside me for so long.

The Serenity Prayer never gets old.

Thanks for reading, night.

Kris.

I'm Good at Taking Pictures

I am proud of my amature photography skills ... taken on my camera phone haha
These were taken next to Maltby Cafe in well Maltby area haha
So here you go. Enjoy.

I Need a Leap or um SHOVE of Faith.

Listening to this non stop...


So I kind of forget God, or my higher power, is there.
It's nice to remember, comforting, like OH YEAH!
Like when you hear it's Friday and you thought it was Thursday.
...ya it's a good feeling.

Ever since I started believing in a power greater than myself I turn my problems over to them-or well I try to. It's much easier said than done. I mean if it was a physical thing like if I could hold my anxiety, insecurities, and anger in a jar and hand it over to someone and be free of it...that'd be cool.

So my issue is with trust.

I have one hand free trying to reach Him, let go of what I have that's holding me down...while the other is clinging for dear life to my disease. I wrote in circles about this earlier trying to reason with myself. HA like that's going to happen.

Anorexics have a fear of getting fat, (obviously) but a real true fear of it. Like there's not many worse things that can happen to me.

When I was really sick I would construct my life, habits, thoughts around this, it's getting better but it's been a 'bad habit' for 9 years now. It never occurred to me that I'd have to stop being afraid of foods and fat to live normally until I started reading Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous.

They're telling me if I eat what's put in front of me (with in reason) and only that or as much as that I will not get fat. They're telling me that rice is ok, that reduced fat cheese or a burger once in a while will not make me 200 lbs, they are telling me I don't have to do 1 hour of cardio after a night in Fremont, that I can lay on the couch when on the phone instead of walk...etc

That I can and need to let go of these habits that comfort me and make me feel like everything is ok. But in order to do that I need to trust that He knows what's best.

BUT WHAT IF I DO GET FAT? WHAT IF I LOSE CONTROL? What if I do gain 10 pounds even? Do you realize what will happen to me? Do you realize how awful that is? No one will talk to me. I will be ugly. Unhappy. Miserable. A loser.

Oh wait if I lose control...haven't I already lost control? Doesn't my disease have a hold on me? It's grip is so tight that I can't chose what I want to eat, if I exercise for hours on end, if I clearly see the person staring back at me, if I'm happy. It does.

So I got to keep saying it.

God I can't handle this. I need help. I cannot do this on will power alone. Maybe if I keep saying it it will come true.

<3 Kris.

What I Learned in Church on Sunday

Oh hi.

No I'm not dead.
And since you're reading this neither are you.

I just got this thing called a job ... and it's put a damper in my motivation to write. I have had tons of great ideas and "oh I should blog about this" moments but nope the actual action of doing that is just not happenin.

Until right now of course. I've got on and I'm in the zone.









I took these the other day and wanted to share them with you. They have nothing to do with anything.

... except my love for flowers.


So Sunday. I didn't want to go. Nope. Negative. Eh uh. I was embarrassed ... anxious ... wanted to run and hide. Durr da durr...you can't hide from God.

So I walked into that bright lovely church and saw that no one was singing yet. Since when am I EARLY to church? So I went to the bathroom rehearsing what I would say when everyone in the church stared at me and my yoga pants and told me how horrible I was for not coming for a month and that I am a bad person and that I don't belong.

I didn't get very far into my practice reply to them because SOMETHING CAME OVER ME ... I went and said hello to one of my friends. Um what are you doing Kristin? My eyes wandered to where my friend was sitting and a smile came on my face and my body turned and moved in her direction ... next thing I know I'm cracking up and being social and like happy and shit like that.

...

See my point and how ridiculous my thoughts are?

So after God was like hey chill out and I was like ok I sat back down and totally enjoyed myself.

So the new interim pastor Rev Hallack is the bees knees. I like him. He had us pray for willingness ... to be open to God's word and way ... to see the light ... to not get bogged down by the dark and the evil and the worry.

Well that's appropriate isn't it?

I learned that God helps take our worry away. Worrying is like putting a magnified glass on an issue. The more you focus on that sucker the bigger it's going to get. However when you take the focus off of that and onto God baddabingbaddaboom problem gets smaller.

I never really looked at it that simply.

It's nice that I can now.

Also something that stood out to me was during confession my mind was blank...
I had all these issues and was so scared to come back to church because I've been um bad and as soon as it's time to list all those bad boys off I think about what I'm going to eat for lunch. Cool Kristin. Cool.

Funny how you can condemn yourself and worry so much and analyse everything that's wrong with you but then once it comes time to deal with it I fail.

Working on that.

So anyway...that's it.

More to come.

Just take life a day at a time because that's really all you're guaranteed.

<3

Tempation

The cologne in the dimly lit room is overpowering. The decor is less than modern, wood paneling covers the walls, blue lights are set on tables, the chairs sink in with wear. The only real light comes from sky high windows in the ceiling. It sets the mood.

Everyone is in their Sunday best. Here to impress.

I shift my feet and look down at my 4 inch heels. I cross and uncross my long legs with anxiousness.

The room holds a surplus of men.

There are those who are desperate. They sit or stand. Their palms involuntarily sweat. They don't notice they've crossed their arms defensively nor that their feet are tapping to no beat as their eyes dart constantly to their competition.

Then there are those with confidence. Stiff collars, tailored suits, platinum buttons quietly say "I'm better than you." Their shoes soles are worn but the leather shines like new. They've been here before, they know the game. Their booming voices speak volumes compared to what they are actually saying.

I am attracted to one. His strong jaw and tanned tattooed skin catches my eye. His broad shoulders are complimented by his button up. My eyes trace down his body and I see he's wearing Vans. I like to think this combination tells me more about who he really is. I finally give him a smile when our eyes meet. We've been awkwardly avoiding each others' gaze since our first eye contact.

The atmosphere is tense and yet relaxed. There are old friends here. Their laughs and smirks tell me they are here just for a good time. The mix of confidence and ignorance ... good and bad ... charm and retraction amuses me.

And yet we are all here for the same reason. I too cannot stop fidgeting or my racing heart. Here in this room we all have the same desires, fears, wants, needs.

Each man approaches the woman the same. As though she controls their fate ... she holds the key to happiness. I envy her confidence and blunt conversation. Even she too makes me nervous.

The banter and small talk continues ... my time is up ... I can no longer sit wait and watch .. it's time for action.

I stand up slowly, fixing my outfit, flipping my hair trying to calm my heart beat. Oh how I wish I was better at this. I approach my target ... my mind racing ... it shouldn't be ... something like this really isn't that hard. All of my anticipation is going to be over in a matter of seconds ... words.

"What do you plead?"

"Not guilty."

With a quick exchange between the judge and my lawyer it is over. I am done.

I'll be back soon.

If it Seems too Good to be True it Probably is...N'T?

I was thinking about my lack of trust in people and the world a bit ago and I was so caught up in my thoughts that I revved up my 8 year old lap top to write about it for you.

Looking back on my cruise ship experience (PAUSE. I was working on a cruise line for the past two weeks for my first time ever. RESUME.) I am realizing how blessed I was to have the experience and yet how I could have had a much better one. I was just so DEFENSIVE the entire time.

My mother calls me that frequently. Defensive.

The staff ... literally everyone ... was so NICE. EVERYONE says hello and looks you straight in the eye when they pass you.

I was like HA! This can't be real we have to put on a show on for the passengers ... and yet way way down in A Deck where we could be ourselves everyone was still so darn NICE.

If a guy talked to me I wondered what his dirtylittlemind was thinking and how soon he'd try to get in my pants. Was he judging me? Did he think I was stupid and easy because I am blonde and new to the ship? What's his angle? WHY IS HE TALKING TO ME?!

Um HELLO he's PROBABLY TALKING TO YOU BECAUSE HE IS A FRIENDLY PERSON.
Duh.

There are quite a few Indonesians and Filipino workers on board as well and yes they did STARE blatantly and sometimes click at me or "Heyhey" me but mostly once I got past my cynical angry HEYWHYAREYOULOOKINGATMEBITCHMODEMENTALITY I realized they are frickin hilarious and incredibly hard workers and oh ya real people.

If girls were nice to me I wondered if they were being catty. Why would THEY talk to ME? I saw the dancers in their groups all fit and slim and poised ... I saw the spa girls in their perfect makeup and hair ... why would any of them bother with me?

And yet again when I got a brain in my head and some common sense came out of it (this happens infrequently) I realized they were just being friendly.

Hmm... Being nice to be nice ... to help out others ... JUST BECAUSE.

So to make sense of this ... I'm thinking that I'm Miss Nancy (Negative) because I MYSELF am the way I believe others to be. What if I'm the shallow one? ...

OR ... what if it's because I'm selfish? It's ALL about me. These people have nothing better to do than to make my life miserable and use me and make fun of me.

Right. Kris. Right.

Or most likely it's once again that SELF CONFIDENCE thing. If I had that most of the time I would see myself as worthy as deserving to receiving a smile, a compliment, an invite to go bowling, to have a drink bought for me. And yet I don't.

It's rather annoying actually because once it's in perspective like this right now while writing it's like oh duh roll with it and even pass the kindness onto someone else. But when I'm in that awkwardconfusedredfacedtonguetied moment I do not think like this and end up BEING THE ASS because I am quick to defend myself and try to let the other person know I'M NO FOOL. I'm onto their ulterior motive game.

So I'm just praying.

Praying for willingness to accept praise and kindness ... while going a step further to asking for me to do the same towards others.

I say this every morning and try to practice it through the day...

It's the Third Step Prayer from AA Book...

God, I offer myself to Thee-To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt, Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bar witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!


I figure if I read it enough and say it enough it will stick one of these days.

It's good to be home.

<3. Kris.

Acceptance is Seeing with Your Heart.

In the kindergarten room at church there is a sign with a puppy dog wearing heart shaped glasses ... because well what ELSE would a dog wear? regular shaped glasses? I think not! Anyway ... so under neath this adorable K9 are the words.

Acceptance is seeing with your heart not with your eyes.

I read and reread that line over and over again.
Ya I understood it but did I really UNDERSTAND IT you know?

After working Pridefest this weekend I saw a TON with my EYES.
Did you know that you're allowed to walk around completely in your birthday suit as long as you have body paint on? I did not or else I TOTALLY would have changed my outfit. (I wish I could narrate my posts and let you HEAR my sarcasm...hopefully you've caught on by now). So I saw a ton of pasties and um a couple of penises and beautiful men in heels and chains and boas and women wearing mustaches and wings and just whatever they wanted to!

So yes I SAW somethings but I also in turn ... saw with my heart ... like the little Wishbone of a puppy in the poster wanted me to.

I saw families dressed in gothic attire, plaids, feathers, and pink mohawks waiting in line at the Ferris wheel. Mom and mom were taking turns entertaining their little 4 year old girl ... also dressed in goth ... never seen a cuter kid in a skull shirt.

Then there was the single older and rather attractive dad (with graying mowhawk)and his son. Little guy had freckles and blonde curls and a mouth on him ... poor thing bawled all the way around the miniature Ferris wheel.

What I'm getting at is that love is not tangible, neither is faith, but you know it's there.

I could see with my eyes that these families were not conventional but with my heart I knew that there was love. With my heart I had a deeper understanding of their lives are and what love really is.

That passion you can have for someone else. The involuntary butterflies in your stomach. The literal heart wrenching pain when you miss someone so much it hurts ... all of that is from an emotion, feeling you cannot describe or see BUT IT'S THERE.

I already believed in equal rights and that you should be able to legally marry whoever you like but after seeing the love that two people of the same sex can have for one another I REALLY wanted to write about. Just to be like I UNDERSTAND!

There are so many unhappy straight people that are married and why should they have the benefits and the title and the wedding when others who are in love can't?!

I don't know my politics so forgive me but when I saw the love caring passion happiness that every couple had for each other there this weekend I got a deeper understanding of what love can be and what it can do for you.

Love you cannot see or hold or throw or take away it's there whether you like it or not.

Just like God or whoever your higher power is is there. On those days when you think this really sucks ... when you take disappointment after disappointment ... or when everything seems to be clicking God is there.

I hope this sparks something in you.
Makes you think.
Helps to make you feel less alone.
Or something.
Just felt like writing. Sorry for the sporadicness.

<3 Kris.

The Other Day I Went to Seattle

I had the opportunity to venture around downtown Seattle the other day ... yay for public transportation never being on time.

So my writer/reporter/blogger intuition kicked in and I was like I'm going to take pictures of cool stuff I see. And while walking up and down Pike Street I did just that.



But sadly I am not as artsy fartsy as I think I am. I do not think my pictures alone do justice to what I was feeling, seeing, sensing, touching, and yes ... tasting while hoofing it up and down Pike. So we're going to add a little somethin somethin to this post.

MUSIC!

I had these bad boys on


And as I get this great photojournalism/photoblogging idea I hear trumpets and epicness that is "All of the Lights" - Kanye West etc in my headphones.



"...Want you to see everything ... want you to see all of the lights..." BASS DROP (ha)

"Fast cars ... shooting stars"


Even though it was not nighttime yet the city is always filled with lights to me.


Seattle retains an aura of mystery excitement possibilities.

Lights can stand for a ton of different things ... and as I listened to the lyrics lights become material things ...

Lights become synonyms to words like showy posh stature ...




Lights become architecture and nostalgia ...





Cop lights, flash lights, spot lights



Strobe lights, street lights



All of the lights, all of the lights



Kid Cudi comes in and reminds me ...

Get it right, aye
You should go and get your own



Right now in this moment in this magical city I am no one ... I am small ... whether I am there or not doesn't really seem to matter ... but I realized that I am a small piece of the city.

When I am put together with the rest of the movement ...

locals ...



city accents ...




atmosphere ...



the constants ...





I help make the city.



"If you want it you can get it for the rest of your life."
"If you want it you can get it for the rest of your life."

My strides up and down Pike take me on my own adventure / realization ... and I wonder how many others have crossed this same path and been so inspired? Been demoralized? Been overjoyed? Who has walked these streets and where are they now?

Then to further my random thoughts my brain goes "Who are you? Where are you now? This is it Kris ... right now in this moment you are who you are and living your life. There is no more waiting ... no more planning ... no epic moment to set you on your right path ... you're already on it. Take it...grab it...hold onto it and go."

My bus shows up and the song finished (yes I had it on repeat haha)

Turn up the lights in here, baby
extra bright, I want y’all to see this
turn up the lights in here, baby
you know what I need, want you to see everything
want you to see all of the lights


As always thanks for reading <3 Kris.

Tasty Chicken with Some Tomatoes and Oregano Salsa

Hey want to learn how to make this?


Yes. Ok. I lied. There is NO FRESH basil. 2 cloves of chopped garlic. OR Rosemary in sight. If you caught that good for you ... if not you're going to be fine because I will point out all my short comings in the EZ as pie (easy as eating pie not making it) recipe.

So I didn't have all the ingredients and as I was too lazy to go to the store I just added more oregano. Problem solved.



Those ingredients look like this ...



Yes. Ok. I lied. There is NO FRESH basil. 2 cloves of chopped garlic. OR Rosemary in sight. If you caught that good for you ... if not you're going to be fine because I will point out all my short comings in the EZ as pie (easy as eating pie not making it) recipe.

So I didn't have all the ingredients and as I was too lazy to go to the store I just added more oregano. Problem solved.

Here's what you'll need for the salsa.



Again I come up short. But I'm normal. I swear not everyone would want to cut up a pound of fresh tomatoes or even HAVE that many toms on hand. Come on now.

-So I used a can and a half of diced tomatoes...I reccomend draining them before hand...you'll see pictures as to why later. WAHWAHHHH.

-No shallot at all. (But if you're wondering WHAT a shallot even is ... like I myself was ... it's "A member of the onion family, but formed more like garlic than onions. Shallots are favored for their mild onion flavor, and can be used in the same manner as onions. A shallot looks like a small, elongated onion with a copper, reddish, or gray skin. When peeled, shallots separate into into cloves like garlic." Thank you kitchen Dictionary.

-I am anti jal op en os so I didn't use those guys. I'm hot enough on my own. BAhahaha

Other than that everything followed the recipe.

SWEET.

1. Put the first 8 ingredients in a plastic bag.
2. Add chicken and let those puppies (ewe um change that ... let the meat) marinate at least 30 minutes. (I did an entire day! Because I forgot I said I'd make dinner. HA whoops)

Onto the SALSA part of Grilled Chicken with Roasted Tomato and oregano Salsa
4. Heat oven to 400°F.
5. Cover a baking tray with foil.
6. Here's the instructions again just in case...


6. Spread tomatoes on tray; drizzle with oil. Add salt and pepper. Bake until lightly browned, 20 to 25 minutes.


This is why I said you should drain the tomatoes. And also why I wish I HAD drained the tomatoes. That's what I get for not chopping up a pound of these suckers myself.

7. Combine tomatoes, onion, garlic and oregano in a bowl.
8. Coat a large skillet with cooking spray.
9. Heat over medium-high heat.
10. Remove chicken from marinade; cook 5 minutes.


11. Reduce heat to medium-low, flip chicken and add leftover marinade to pan. Cook 5 minutes.
12. Reduce heat to low. Cover chicken; cook 10 minutes.
13. Divide among 4 plates; top each with 1/4 of the salsa. Serve immediately.

OR ELSE YOUR PARENTS WILL TAKE THE GOOD STUFF FIRST!



Just kidding. I like having my guests go first. I think it's like proper too or something.

I added couscous to this too and that is the easiest stuff to make if you do the box kind.
YAY EASY!



This is a very simple, easy (did I say easy?), tasty recipe...I really recommend you try it!

Maybe make it for your dad on Fathers' Day?

Hope your weekend was splendid <3 KRIS.