Treatment : Day 5. ONLY 5! Dayum.

So I thought I'd just jump, dive, dig right into what treatment actually is.

Here goes.

I wake up at 6:30 AM get ready in appropriate clothing:

• no tank tops
• no shorts that go higher than your fingers (yes like in junior high)
• no revealing clothing (LIKE ANY PERSON WITH AN EATING DISORDER WOULD WEAR THAT).
• no shirts that have silhouettes or reminders of working out (I had to turn my Seahawks 12K shirt inside out yesterday. Looked soups cool)
• every coat / top with pockets has to be turned inside out at meal times (so we don't shove food in our pockets)

So I end up in sweats, thank God for yoga pants.

I run to my bus (standard) then go off to Bellevue. Arrive early (GASP! Me? EARLY?) and walk to the center (10 minutes?).

This is one of my favorite parts of the day. It's just gorgeous. Makes me present and appreciate life and all God has given me.

Then it's off to hell!

We check in and drop off our phones, computers, back packs everything which will not be seen all day until a 25 minute break.

Next is breakfast where a dietician tells us what to eat and how much-but we learn because we plate the portions ourselves. We aren't allowed to put "inappropriate" foods together or eat them with silverware if they don't think we should. We get 8 oz of water (so we can't make ourselves feel full). We get one napkin (so we don't spit food out).

Then we all (there's 8 of us currently) go and sit down at the table, say a positive affirmation then have A MINUTE OF JUST EATING IN SILENCE. This kills me. But also is very helpful, for the first time I'm tasting my food, I don't have the urge to just stuff myself and watch tv then go throw up. Which yes unless it was very restricted (only veggies and protein, none of the foods I'm scared of) this is how I would eat. Ever wonder what I was doing on a Friday welp that's it!

Then we go back and sit in our room. We have a home base for our age group which is like 19-30 year olds. This is where we usually journal, sleep, talk, read. I keep my snuggie there and a stuffed animal named Boobs but they made me rename him Boo.

Throughout the day it's full of counseling that's in a group, individual and work shops to help us break the connection from our ED's voice and our own. Also, there's two breaks (like 10 minutes to pee and walk outside...yes only 10 fucking minutes) and snacks in between each meal.

So peeing. We can't do it after a meal for obvious reasons we have to be escorted every time a half hour after we eat. We can only get water in the kitchen. We aren't allowed to walk around on our own. Always in a group and with a counselor. Oh also meals are with someone watching us at the table and someone "floating" so standing and watching us.

Oh and there's no dudes. Except one. Well that I've met so far. I didn't realize how testosterone deprived I was.

Meaning yes I'm single. I guess crazy scares off the guys.

So anyway I get to do this from 8 AM until 6:30 PM Monday through Sunday for the next 6 weeks. Yes that means I don't get weekends.

Yes that fucking sucks.

Welp I want to write more but this party pooper is going to bed.

Night.