Treatment: Day Uno

I don't want to write because I don't want to think about today.

I can't even organize my thoughts other than:

I hate treatment.
The girls are amazing.
And I'm not giving up because I know this is what's best for me in the long run.

They made us eat FRIED FISH AND FRENCH FRIES FOR DINNER. What.The.Fuck.
Supposedly no food is a 'bad food,' but there are 'fear foods.' And fried anything is something that scares the fuck out of me. But instead of turning the table over Real Housewives of NJ style, I asked to talk to a therapist.

I proceeded to tell her that they were bat shit crazy if they think they can surprise me with fried food and make me eat it on my first day. I am being as brave as I can but really?

Then I went on talking saying that I know what they are doing is probably good for me because they are like professionals, but I don't see it. I wanted her to know that I'm trusting them with my life and that they better not fuck up.

They control my calorie intake (I can't see how much is in what I'm eating) and that gives me so much anxiety. AND they control when I pee. AND I can't stand-only sit. AND we only get two breaks. AND I can't go on walks.

But anyway...I decided that eating the fried shit is good for me. People do it all the time-I usually just eat about 12 servings of it and puke it up. Grand. So this time I ate it (it was cold because it took me a while to muster up teh courage to do it) and it was gross and I could feel my jean size sky rocketing but I did it and even had the balls to put ketchup on the fries (usually scared of extra calories) so I could ENJOY my food.

And I fucking ate that fried fish. And booya!

I came home and worked out moderately and ate my stupid night snack even though I didn't want to.

I'm doing all of this because of you guys. And I'm for serious. Seeing how many people give a rat's ass about me (where on earth did that saying come from ? ) is amazing and if I can't do it for me now I'm going to do it for you and then I'll catch on.

Love, God bless,

Kris