Treatment : On Pause

but like totes not stopping.

I just mean I'm not in treatment right meow.

So. Shit. There's so much. I wanted to ignore it but um I can't. Cause then I'll EXPLODE WITH FEEWINGS. And make really bad decisions.

So here we go (said in Mario's voice on Mario Kart - chea buddy).

I did fine with food today, well fuckin' fantastic! actually.

For those of you who don't know my Granny passed away recently. I hopped on a plane or two to Tallahassee for her memorial. I am meow here. Yay.

So it was about lunch time during my connection from Dallas (f u Cowboys! ha ha!) to Tallahassee and this bitch was hungry.

So I got some food (portebella mushrooms, toms, chicken, broccoli and rice!) and ran to the gate. A big black woman who was boarding people on told me to run-so I didn't.

I almost made the plane late OR missed my flight to stick to my meal plan. That's fuckin' dedication if you ask me and since you didn't I'm just sayin' that dedication.

ED was trying to get in my head and be like you fat ass you should have just not eaten. Your brother has eaten just a string cheese that you gave him earlier and that's it and you've had three meals FUCKA. and I said heck no daddy-o youze a bitch. And we were done. I win.

Then I got here and started breaking down at the sight of my Granny's house. I've been holding in breaking down all day because I just don't want to.

We came inside and saw mi Tia and padre and prima who are already here. Two seconds later I hear "dinner!"

Oh fuck.

I got what I needed to according to my meal plan AND added in dessert because on Thursdays we eat that at the center.

Ballsy ?  yes.

I could feel my Tia watching me and I fucking hated it. Get off my shit. Stop looking at me. I feel so naked, vulnerable ED can't do it's thing anymore but then again I can't do my new thing because I"m so nervous at to what everyone will say.

So that's where I'm at.

I'm walking in the house that has so many good memories and that was my second home for so long and I'm not feeling. Not by choice though, not intentionally, I just can't muster up the crying thing. I am not sure what's wrong.

But when it comes I'll accept it.

I hope.

So tomorrow is prep day ... I hope I can continue to take comments and opinions for what they are and keep my head on right. I mean this is the real world and I am so happy being out of treatment.

ok so my cousin just tripped and hit the window outside and I totally lost my train of thought. That's all kids.

God bless.