Treatment : On Pause III

At the first sight of rays of light I hear the birds sing

It's a sign he's given me every thing will be OK

Sometimes when I wake up 

And I'm wondering how my life would have been if I didn't sing

I get a little stressed out every now and then

But problems come and problems go when I'm around him

Blessed in the morning

Blessed in the evening

And again I realize the reason why I sing

I'm in a darn dandy mood-and here's why.

I CALMED THE FUCK DOWN.

:)

This morning I went for a run-not to burn off the cider I had last night but just to run. I did my own rendition of yoga at the pond we hung out at when I was growing up. It reminded me of treatment because we do yoga there to help us out. I was reminded of what I'm learning there.

In yoga it was my first time mentally taking control of my thoughts, listening to them and redirecting them. That is so damn powerful.

I came back looking like I had just dove into a pool-I wanted to at that moment haha And showered, got ready and looked pretty damn good thank you very much.

We headed off the the funeral home.

I met countless people that had been impacted by my Granny.

Until then I was having trouble grieving because I didn't have that many recent memories of her, she lives all the way in Tallahassee and I'm up in Seattle.

As I heard coworker's, neighbor's and family member's stories I found out who she was to so many. My mom got up to talk and I instinctively went with her.

She talked and left the podium. I stood there for a second, sniffed loudly and very attractively then began to talk. 

Afterwards I got so many compliments on my speech, told it was funny, sweet, honest and touching.

Phew. I hadn't planned on talking but I think she wanted me to.

Since the memorial we've been with family and friends of course and I haven't thought about ED more than once. It's freeing.

I have had two meals and not really freaked out over it, didn't get anxious and just enjoyed my time.

What's changed is that i have stopped giving food and ED power over me. This is my life and it's my memories not ED's.

I'm constantly stopping negative thoughts consciously and trying to not put myself down out loud. It took a whole sleepless night to talk myself out of the negativity but it worked and I feel powerful, hopeful.

Guess that just proves that hard work does pay off.

I'm feeling so blessed.

Time to go watch the Seminoles stomp out USF.