Treatment Day: 8 Beauty

"I've got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes, hate in my heart, love in my mind."

Lil' Wayne calms me down as I rage to work (oh lord, I called treatment work-if only I got paid).

"And I search but never find."

I'm overcome with anger—I don't know why.

We go underground and come out to my favorite view of the stadiums and my work. I miss it terribly—life. Not that sports and work was my life, but it was a huge chunk of it.

"The top gets higher the more that I climb."

But then I'm reminded that I wasn't really living.

"All this bullshit made me strong mother fucker."

I usually catch up on playing Tetris during my ride-totes productive I know-but I was compelled to just stare out the window-even more productive.

I just so happen to look out when we start going over the water on 90 (oh lord is it 90? definitely not 5...?Thank goodness I'm not driving! anyway). I see the seemingly never ending water is calm, like it still wants to sleep. The sky and water mirror each other's colors. The pink of the sun mixes with the gray-blue of the water. Neither is especially brilliant or breathtaking and yet, together they are beautiful, powerful. I've lost all anger, I even think "This is made by the same creator who made you."

There's nothing about me that's brilliant or exceptional-but I still shine.

My hair like me has a mind of its own. 

My light brown eye's colors surprise people when they catch the light. 

My lips curve in a way that I've bee told is alluring. 

My hands are big with long, slender fingers that like to figdget with my hair when I'm nervous. 

My boobs have grown and I fucking love it.

My stomach has defined lines that trace to my pelvis.  

My legs I don't like but if I didn't have them my greatest joys would be impossible-Dancing, exploring, hiking, running, wearing heels and the occasion parkour.

And this is what I'm learning to nourish and love most of all, me or my mind. 

I am inspired constantly by my surroundings.

I am sparked by an interaction, a glimpse into someone else's world, my own experiences to write. I want to and have the ability to bring what I see to you with my words. 

Next to my whit and sarcasm and charm that's something I most value. 

Ironically, I didn't realize until I began writing.

Since this morning, I've had a peace within me about my body image.

To sum it up: I have an awkward body but it's mine and it works just fine. 

"Yeah, and I could die now, rebirth, motherfucker

Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfuckerI'm gone, motherfucker, I'm gone"