So I had a swimmingly nice day today. I don't know if that's a saying but I just said it.
And errything was just dandy.
Like we had art today and I worked on like three paintings. I met with my counselor and got a lot of understanding as to where I am and why I am the way I am also how to move forward.
The girls were in a great mood and the ones that have been more "problematic" weren't even around us today. It helped so much.
I even got to go out of the center to get an EKG or ECG same thing.
Stands for Electrocardiogram. I thought they were saying ECHO until I just double checked my spelling haha It's a German term and they spell cardio kardio.
Ya just taught ya something.
Anyway today was fine.
But by the time I've biked up Capitol Hill and get to my apartment I'm so frustrated that I want to throw my bike into the door-since the door slams shut on me whenever I try to get both of us threw it.
My headphones get caught on my helmet and I try to just rip them and my coat off while my backpack is securely fastened to me.
I scream into my pillow and feel this rage. So much hate for my body. I can feel that my legs are fatter and I've been trying to suppress it all day.
Guess it just came out.
I'm just having a hard time. Like I know what to do to make it better but it's so HARD. If I haven't said this, this is fucking hard. It's really difficult to shut up your thoughts, Ed talking to me, not feel things I'm sure are true. It's like saying the earth is flat after learning for years it's round.
LIKE THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
I really wish I could go to a rave right now.
Guess Adventure Club in my room will have to do. For the next 10 minutes that is. Because I'm supposed to be social and normal around my friend soon.
Ha
Goodnight God Bless.
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