Treatment Day 33 : Punkins

Dear Diary,

I had the best day EVER!

I woke up and showered. That alone would make the day more positive than negative.

I got to ride my bike into treatment.

I was not late. Score.

I had a conflict with one of the girls in group and we worked it out. I swear I couldn't talk to most of my "normal" friends the way I talk to my treatment friends. We are so open honest and fuckin' raw man. But seriously it's refreshing how honest and supportive we are with each other at the center. They know the worst of me, understand me and most importantly still like me.

Then we went on an outing for lunch.

I kind of freaked out because I still don't know what I want to eat. It sounds silly, but nothing sounds good to me. I either want it all or nothing at all. But I ended up ordering something with mushrooms because that seemed appealing...it was pretty good. I had to eye my portions and not get lost in my head during the meal. Overall it was a success.

Then I got special time to work on bills. Fucking Century Link upped my internet bill. So I'm getting new coverage - I know this does not matter, I just hate that they call Qwest CL now. The Clink. Derrrrr.

At 4 PM I left to go home early to prepare dinner on my own for the first time in 6 weeks haha

I was really anxious so I went to the gym briefly and then to the grocery store.

I ended up with chicken and couscous. Plus a side salad. It did the job.

Then 5 minutes later my closest, dearest friends came over to carve pumpkins.

I was super nervous / excited. I mean I even lit candles and cleaned my room. . . oh that sounds like I had other intentions than just carving pumpkins...anyway

I got my evening snack of fruit and string cheese ready along with soy nuts and almonds for them too.

Then I winged it from there.

It sounds silly I would be nervous for my best friends to come over and yet that's what I was. But as soon as we started talking my walls came down, my nerves calmed into laughter and I was home.

I'm so blessed to have them in my life. Even though they don't have what I have they understand it. I was always so ashamed to talk about it with them. They are such powerful, strong, confident women and then here I am talking about how I ate a roll of cookie dough and threw up...but they get it. I'm so blessed.

We carved / painted pumpkins and then just talked and laughed and LIVED. Gosh I'm so cheesy right now, but really I was just enjoying being in the moment with them. Not second guessing myself, my thoughts, my words, actions etc.

I am happier I have ever been and all I had to do was try. I went out on a limb and let people into my world and I am so happy I did.

What's that quote? About never knowing what you'll have if you quit..."There's only one thing that can guarantee our failure, and that's if we quit."

I haven't quit on my recovery and it's really starting to show. 

I'm so damn proud of myself.

Good night God bless.

PS I don't reread these. Because I am too damn lazy so if it doesn't make sense. Zat is why!