Treatment Day 45 : Expectations

I'm sick. And it is not making me very happy. I'm going to crawl into bed after writing this and dream of a world where my throat doesn't hurt and I'm not coughing up snot.

Yum.

Also, I'm going to dream of a world where there is NO Christmas decorations allowed until the day after Thanksgiving.

Ok so to get to the moral of this blog post...er not moral but point...yes the point of this post. I've decided expectations suck.

Yes that's right. THEY SUCK.

Recapping my weekend from Freaknight failure to a wonderfully chill Sunday night I realized how much my expectations played into how happy I was ... or was not.

So, Freaknight was supposed to be awesome, like go in there, see some of my favorite artists, dance my giraffe tail off and fall in love with one or multiple hot men for the night. None of this happened exactly how I planned and the result? I was fucking pissed off.

It's only natural to have expectations though, but I'm going to try to keep mine a bit uh er smarter. Every time I have a let down like I did this Friday I learn something new. For example, don't pre funk and get to shows EARLY, and don't leave your house keys in a strangers car. But mostly what I was reminded of is that things don't always go how you plan them.

Relating this back to treatment, I didn't finish in the 6 weeks. I had a lot of shame attached with that fact, I was let down.

The other night I made a fool out of myself by inviting this guy to my parents' house (just so we could give candy out to trick or treaters...NOT because I want to like have him meet my parents yaddida?). I was not expecting him to flat out say no and get creeped out. And yet he did.

Then when he left the house for a bit I actually thought he left me for the entire night because he thought I was so stalkerish but then he came back with roses.

oh. so....

Once again expectations or well I guess I could even go with assumptions are a tricky road.

But they are impossible to avoid. Expectation and anticipation is what makes things exciting. I mean why else would they have advent calendars for goodness sakes?!

So how to have expectations without having them ruin yo shit.

I don't really have a point to this or an answer haha I'm just going over it with you all as I think it. Lucky you.

I guess I just have to take a step back and see the big picture. Stick with the facts. And not to say have low expectations but just be smart about things.

If this doesn't make sense it's because I took nyquil a bit ago.

HA

Good night God bless