Guys. OMG guys!
I am sofuckingexcited.
Because...I think I know when my end date is.
Like when I'll get to have a life again.
And not like program didn't let me have a life but rather Ed didn't.
I haven't had a life since I was 14.
That's 10 years of entrapment, confusion and hate.
Now I'm not free by any means, I have to treat myself well right now and with care, but still I'm getting some freedom.
I'm spending my first weekend away from the center this weekend.
HOLY BALLS! I know so awesome.
I have to have structure in my days and just take it slow.
But at the same time I feel like a kid on the last day of school. I just want to run out the doors and not think about school work again.
But then I'm fucked if I do that.
However, I can't stop smiling, this has not happened in a while.
It makes me so fucking proud of myself that I came here on my own dime, on my own accord and worked my ass off and it's paying off.
This may not happen, but tentatively I will have weekends off and then start doing half days this next week. Meaning I go 8 to 3, so like a full day minus a bit haha But still I'll get much more done during the day as well as get to practice making my own non Ed influenced dinner.
Thank you so much to everyone who's helped me get this far.
Oh and tomorrow I'm having some girls over to carve pumpkins.
This is big for me because I used to isolate in my room / studio. I never wanted anyone over so I could eat or binge alone. So they wouldn't interfere with my weird habits. It was a place of secrets and shame. But I've decorated the fuck out of it and I can't wait to show my friends my decorations and to try something new.
Lord give me strength.
I'm so happy right now! Haha
God bless.
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