I'm pooped. So this is going to be short.
I missed treatment.
Being away from it showed me what I've learned and what I still need to do.
It's scary and yet inspiring at the same time.
Long story short after my trip to Florida for my Granny's memorial I felt the weekend was a blur. I couldn't pick out parts of it, just ended up with this overwhelming feeling of failure and sadness.
I had used behaviors. I had not been there for my family. I was disgusted with myself.
But then today I began to process it, trying to classify what happened as good or bad. Analyze it. Be ok with it, to be ok with me.
I couldn't do it.
Then God started speaking to me through others.
I heard that what I did was basically jump into the deep end of the emotional uh pool. I fucking cannon balled into it actually. And well I didn't drown.
I did have my good parts, good habits and laughs. I was just clouding those with the negative as I'm used to doing.
Then in yoga our teacher presented the idea of letting go of the past and being present in that warrior two. Just saying that the past happened and now we are here. Hold no judgement to it, just move on and open your heart to the future.
Oh. Ok. I can do that.
It was so simple yet meant so much.
She told us exhale.
And I breathed out the worry, the anxiety leaving room for hope in my body.
Good night. God bless.
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