Treatment Day 36 : Saturday!

I'm on cloud nine right now.

I slept in for the first time in ... I don't know how long, MONTHS.

I made my breakfast according to my meal plan.

I cleaned my room, did laundry and cleaned my makeup brushes (DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THAT?).

After I'm done typing I'm braving downtown Seattle on a bike. I am no where near a Seattle-ite because I have no clue as to how to er properly ride a bike downtown. I'm doing my best to not become one of those asshole bikers that I used to curse at in my car. Hmm maybe I should look at the rules of the road.

Eh. At a later date.

So yes riding my bike to Eastlake to get my Sounders suite ticket for Sunday's game!

I'm excited to have a bit of a lenghty ride, I have my ORCA card on hand if I don't think I can make it back.

Now that I see exercise as not a necessity but rather "joyful movement" (but really, that's what helps remind me what exercise should be haha) I'm seeing all these doors open up!

I'm going to try to go do yoga tomorrow somewhere, if not in my room with YouTube.

It feels wonderful to have freedom and feel in control.

Yesterday I realized how messed up my perception of control was for so long.

My rituals and restrictions and rules around food and exercise made me feel in control. I knew what was "good" what was "bad" what would make me fat and what would make me skinny. But it was all an illusion. In reality the disease was calling the shots and I was at it's mercy.

Now, when I make decisions I make them based on what I want. Not what Ed wants. It's hard to decipher now but I'm getting there. There's still that adrenaline rush every time I go against what I would usually do, that makes me feel like I'm getting away with murder and out of control but that's just Ed freaking the fuck out because I'm defying him.

Boo-ya.

Today after my bike ride (which really should be very interesting) I'm meeting a friend to go last minute Halloween shopping as well as just explore my neighborhood.

Then tonight I have a couple things to look forward to, like a surprise from a certain someone as well as an evening out at fine establishments like The Unicorn.

I can't get over how vibrant the leaves are and how blue the sky is this morning. God is good.